The First Affair
There was a middle-age couple that had two stunningly beautiful teen-age
daughters.
The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and, sure enough, delivered
a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed to the
nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to find the
ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the
father of the child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered," he
cried. Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling
around on me?"
The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."
The Second Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door. "Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner!" She quickly rubbed
baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't
move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh,
it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for
their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us, too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went
to sleep. Around 2 a.m., the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and
returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. Here," he said
to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for
three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
The Third Affair
Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his
side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying
roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move
slightly, "My darling Becky," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk."
He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something I
must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky.
"Everything's all right. Go to sleep."
"No, no, I must die in peace, Becky. I slept with your sister, your best
friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," Becky whispered softly, "That's why I poisoned you."
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Thanks for the laughs!
A spanish woman in her dying bed ,call her husband and said "Antonio I have to confess something to you" He replied ,what can you possibly have to confess woman ,you have always been a saint, she said no no,I have to get this out of my chest,What is it Woman?
I have to tell you Little Antonio is not yours.
That's OK my love I have to confess something ,he is not yours either, what? she replied a mother always knows who her son is I borned him and from my insides he came,why would you say that.
Antonio replied, you remember my love when little Antonio was born and you were so tired,you couldn't even move and you told me Antonio please change him because he had taken a big crap?
so I did change him, for the kid next door he was already clean and smell so good.
So the kid with the Big head and bucked teeth that is the real antonio.