Today's History Lesson
Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done . Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history :
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond to the above before simply laughing and forwarding it. A Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately...
Return to Current Events Category Menu
thats a no B.S. story! you hit the nail on the head! stittng by waiting to hear from the libby's. LOL
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A CONSERVATIVE
Joe gets up at 6:00am to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot full of good clean drinking water because some liberal fought for
minimum water quality standards.
He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His
medications are safe to take because some liberal fought to insure
their safety and work as advertised.
All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employers
medical plan because some liberal union workers fought the ir
employers for paid medical insurance, now Joe gets it too. He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.
Joe takes his morning shower reaching for his shampoo; His bottle is
properly labeled with every ingredient and the amount of its contents
because some liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting
on his body and how much it contained. Joe dresses, walks outside and
takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some tree
hugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our
He walks to the subway station for his government subsidized ride to
work; it saves him considerable money in parking and transportation
fees. You see, some liberal fought for affordable public
transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a
Joe begins his work day; he has a good job with excellent pay,
medicals benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some liberal union members fought and died for these working standards.
Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't
want his employees to call the union.
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he'll get a worker
compensation or unemployment check because some liberal didn't think
he should loose his home because of his temporary misfortune.
Its noon time, Joe needs to make a Bank Deposit so he can pay some
bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some
liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who
ruined the banking system before the depression.
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae underwritten Mortgage and his below
market federal student loan because some stupid liberal decided that
Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and
earned more money over his life-time.
Joe is home from work, he plans to visit his father this evening at
his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive to
dads; his car is among the safest in the world because some liberal
fought for car safety standards.
He arrives at his boyhood home. He was the third generation to live
in the house financed by Farmers Home Administration because bankers
didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electric until
some big government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and
demanded rural electrification. (Those rural Republican's would still
be sitting in the dark)
He is happy to see his dad who is now retired. His dad lives on Social Security and his union pension because some liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to. After his visit with dad he gets back in his car for the ride home.
He turns on a radio talk show, the host's keeps saying that liberals
are bad and conservatives are good. (He doesn't tell Joe that his
beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit
Joe enjoys throughout his day) Joe agrees, 'We don't need those big
government liberals ruining our lives; after all, I'm a self made man
who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I
Conservative hotline; 1-800-WHINE
Rules that conservatives debate by;
2) if anyone argues with you, they are a "Liberal."
Then what are you Jim, a communist or a socialist? Pick or name one we can all understand.
That was great post. But you never addressed where the beer came from.
You have to agree though that times have changed. The important issues back in the day have been replaced by a bunch of absurdities. Read any of John Kennedy's speeches. You'll swear he was a conservative.
John F. and Franklin D. are rolling in their graves over the issues embraced by their party.
As a conservative, I don't want the jungle back. But I don't want to live in a zoo either.
Your choices reflect your own tunnel vision. If more posts here could be presentations by moderates rather than radical extremists, progess on issues might be made. The trouble with BEING a moderate on these forums is that such a person is LEFT of the radical right and RIGHT of the radical left. That makes a moderate a target of both extremes. Radicals on both ends dominate these forums, and have for years.
So you're way to the right and I am in the middle, and you give me two radical left choices?(LOL) You sure picked the right "author" name for yourself. "Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives." - John Stuart Mill
Steve; Beer? The beer came from a glass bottle that was recycled glass that was collected from a recycle center run by liberals!
You should have quit while you were ahead.
Self-centered being the operative description.
Conservatives stand for convictions, liberals stand for themselves.
It's interesting that Steven Spielberg said he most identified with the coward character in "Saving Private Ryan".
Bill Clinton's platform was "Vote for what is going to benefit you the most." (A quote from a speech.) Ironically, he turned out to be a fairly good conservative on a lot of issues, but only for his own political benefit. Hilary is trying the same route to the white house now, running to center. Utterly no convictions.
Marriage, family, sanctity of life, private property ownership, economic freedom, real education, the defeat of our enemies; all are centered in the liberal crosshairs.
How stupid is it for liberals to so badly miss fundamental realities of human nature and historical precedent?
John Stuart Mill is a contrary example of his own statement. How stupid is it to look in a mirror and not realize that?
you are for mass murder of innocent babies by abortion, and you post in agreement for seemingly all the liberal extreme positions that comes along. If you are a moderate so was Hitler and Mao. Again go back to your porn sites where they agree with your twisted thoughts. God says he will spit moderates out of his mouth! Oh I forgot you do not agree with most of what He says either.
In just the last week I've been called a liberal puke and a conservative moron! Just goes to show how the radicals on here shoot from the hip at ANYTHING and ANYONE who is not on the fringe with them. Steve, you make sense once in a while but have obviously gotten caught up in the frenzy to spew contempt for liberals. You need to be reminded that liberals are loyal Americans and that some have given their lives in the service of our country to preserve the freedoms we all cherish. "Marriage, family, sanctity of life, private property ownership, economic freedom, real education, the defeat of our enemies; all are centered in the liberal crosshairs." What a steaming pantload of BS that is. You sure your real name isn't brad(pmvhole) bushup? He fabricates every thing he can to make the half of America he hates sound un-American too. "oou" your contemptible lies don't even warrant a reply. You sound like you are in immediate need of anger management counseling.
Jim, I thought you were calling yourself a moderate. Since you have named yourself that, and if you are, I didn't call you anything. And I don't get caught up in frenzies. What would you call your response?
I could go through each of those areas and point out how liberals are are attempting to tear each one down. I've seen you write about meaningful debate, but it seems that's the last thing you want.
You know what my name is, and nothing I've said is a lie. Do I only make sense when I agree with you?
You are right about one thing, I served in the Air Force with a few liberals who were not self-centered cowards. But most self-centered cowards are liberals. Let me ask you, since I identified myself as a conservative; were you calling me stupid?
What you want is to feel smugly superior to "stupid" conservatives. That elitism is another liberal trait. A few more of those and you might have to re-think what you call yourself. You're certainly barking like the dog who has been squarely struck.
I have never seen someone with so much hate in them as jim. He has nothing of substance to say but insists on spewing his vile hatred on here. I pity the guy.
And pmvhole, you really do have a hard time getting THIS one.
15) whatever your weakness is, blame it on your opponent.
A look-see in the archives will verify that the most hateful mouth on the forums is on the face you see in the mirror.
I must have the wrong "Steve." Anyway, the archives will clearly show that this forum is dominated by a very small group of pompous and contemptible conservative radicals. Their contempt and disrespect is directed at radical left wing extremists. As far as I'm concerned left wing radicals are lazy cowards who are disgusting traitors. It would be great if we could arm both the radical right and radical left with lethal weapons and let them eliminate themselves. I believe that the vast majority of Americans are various mixes of conservative and liberal views. I think one of the most important issues on this forum is that people need to take care of their own lives and quit griping about with the way other people choose to live theirs. I just heard the Ray Steven's song on radio..."Everything is beautiful in it's own way." We COULD all get along much better IF the extremists would STFU and quit trying to impose their views on others. The way others choose to live should little or nothing to do with the way each of us chooses to believe and live. That's what we call FREEDOM!
trying to impose views Jim. I post articles that would never see the light of day in the main stream media because the media is so biased and liberal they don't want the truth to get out. What people do with the information is up to them , thay are not forced to read it any more than you are. What's with all the anger ?. Why are you so threatened by the articles I post if they are all untrue ?
would never see the light of day because they lack the significance to be news. Anyone can quickly determine, just from the titles, that you've hand-picked the ones that are intended to ridicule and insult those you have contempt for(liberals). Interesting that radical right wingers like you bitch about news media like CBS, NBC, CNN, etc. as being liberal but then blab about how great FOX news is. And then there is your dittohead pal daveyBOY who posted that he doesn't even watch any news. But he can sure spout off knowledge without any current information!(LOL) My view is to live and let live, and that's the only one I wish everyone would abide by. I impose nothing on anyone. I just do a little to level the playing field here. You radical right wingers are just not going to have free-run of these forums without seeing rebuttals. I know it aggravates you to hear it but every issue has more than YOUR side.
Here you go; 16) the more narrow and prejudiced your sources, the more you project that
onto your opponent.
and I don't even get FOX news. I get three channels and I don't watch news or primtime TV , why , there is nothing worth watching. Ratings don't lie Jim , why do you think FOX has outdoing all the other networks ?. I think you know but you will post some more of your foolish wisecracks so you won't have to admit the truth. What do you think about what the NYTimes has done lately to help the terrorists and undermine the U.S. ? Before you answer , let me just say to drop all the anger and just act civil for a change , it will help your blood pressure.
"I get three channels and I don't watch news or primtime TV , why , there is nothing worth watching." I read between the lines very well thank you, so I won't kick a guy when he's down. I already entered my thoughts on the NYT in your 6/26 post, and I'm sticking to it. Don't confuse a rebuttal with anger. My bp is unaffected by BS.
to as you say live & let live but your too damn stupid to take it so you deserve everything you get. I knew you were all BS but wanted to see for myself. Carry on dipstick.
You really should seek counseling pmvhole. I hope you aren't as physically violent as you are verbally. Got meds?(LOL)