On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.
In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford
new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex,
these holdings had multiplied and these were the results
of her savings and investments. Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded
he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business! "
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.
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...at $100 a day...that's about right...
Subject: Olaf & Sven
Olaf & Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he
had no matches, he asked Olaf for a light.
"Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he replied. Then reaching into his
tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
"Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands.
"Vhere dit yew git dat monster?"
"Vell," replied Olaf, "I got it from me Genie."
"You haff a genie in yor tackle box?" Sven asked.
"Ya, shure It's right here in my tackle box," says Olaf.
"Could I see him?"
So Olaf opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the genie. Addressing
the genie, Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you
grant me vun vish?"
"Yes, I will," says the genie.
So Sven asks the genie for a million bucks. The g enie disappears back into
the tackle box leav ing Sven sitting there, waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens & is filled with the sound of a million ducks
Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Olaf. "Yumpin' Yimminy I
asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
Olaf answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da genie is hart of hearing. Do
yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"
ain't that the truth