OK, many of you dont understand. I want to "follow my dreams" to put my own damn beans on the table. Do I love him? Yes, but I dont love him enought to get hepititis, or gonhorrea, or clamidia or any of that BS. Nor do i love him enough to endure another broken nose!
A year and a half ago, he was arrested for assult against me. Be broke my nose and choked me, threatening me, saying he would kill me. He was drunk at the time.
the police took him and he went to court and was put on probation along with being required to attend an extensive program for anger management, minimum one year attendence. He was kicked out for not attending. His probation officer got him re-enrolled, but he has yet to return to the classes.
Since his arrest, he has not been drinking. Until last night.
I told him, if he ever starts up again, and makes me afraid, or treats me poorly again, I would be done with him. He did good for a year and a half, until last night.
thrusday night i wanted to go out, so did he, so I suggested we go out together. He whined and complained. We hav enot been out since last december, he has been out multiple times up to 4x a month to the wee hours of the morning.
We got in a huge argument about it. Next moring we were cool with it, we didnt have any grudges, or so I thought. then out of the blue my friend calls me and says she has something she needs to talk about. Well, guess what, her boyfiend has been taking my husband around and showing him a good time with other women. When she found out about it, she called me.
I Didnt say anything to to my husband, but I asked him if he had plans to go anywhere last night. he shrugged. So I said, well, i would like to go see my friend for a little bit. He went crazy, yelling at me! In a public resturant! People were actually staring at him!
So I went home. i could not work with him. (we were building a house, we are framers)
He calls me up later and starts saying some really uncalled for stuff. I told him not to call unless he could talk to me civil. Well, he couldnt. So he said he would not come home. Whatever, dont then. Well, he calls again and says that I needed to pack my bags. i said no.
We have 2 children. They did not see him assult me the night he was arrested. But I wont leave them with him. And i have nowhere to go. He is only one person, he has his hose on the hill, he can live there.
He has isolated me, refusing to put me on the rental agreement, keeping me off the bank account and making sure that our own property that we are building does not have my name on it.
I worked for him for 6 years, in his company. He is a framer/home builder. That is hard work, but I did it with him, trying to build his company. I did not get paid for the work. He said it went to bills.
I wanted to start my own company to be independant, but he refused to give me money. he said he was putting it into our house.
W ehave lived like paupers while trying to build the house out of pocket. All i wanted was a few hundred a month (300) to help me get going in my own company (taxidermy). He gets 14,000 on average for the houses he builds. After bills and payroll, there is a remainder of about 4-5000. He then spends it all on the house, allowing me 300 dollars to buy groceries for 4 people for one month.
I have 4 pairs of pants, 2 of which have holes, and are practically unwearable. I have a car, but he put a title loan on it, spent the money and now, as of yesterday, we are separated and I am scared he will not pay for it, and I will lose it.
If I need gas, he gives me only 10 dollars, just enough to last a few days. He never gives me enough to fill my tank. He then complains to me about asking him for money. Saying I am spending all the money and its my fault we are brok...WHAT?!
If I try to adress any problem, I am "complaining" "Stop your complaining" If he has issues, he tells me and expects me to listen to "change" I have done all the changing I can.
He is still lying and being unfaithful. I have almost nothing to my name, no assets no property. he told me the 2 lots up in the hills were in the company name, for tax purposes. They are not.
Chris has made sure I wont be on the titles.
I am tired of working for nothing, being isolated and lied too. We have other problems, like his infidelity, that I cant continue with.
For those of you who think I am being the bitch, then fine, you are probably just like him. But I wont endure another broken nose, I wont have my breath squeezed out of me again. I wont leave my ids with him.
Love him, yes, live with him no.
Its time I live the way I want to live, not the way HE wants me to live. If I want to go to church, i will, if I want to be a taxidermist, I WILL. No more of his games. No more of his lies and his selfishness. I am through.
think what you want, but I know what I want, i know how it feels. and I wont play that game any more.
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I lost all respect for him. Throw the rat out. Males that abuse women are the lowest scum on the earth IMHO. I don't care how drunk he was any guy that hits a women is trash as my father taught me. Lots of other bad signs there too.
First and foremost, take care of the children and yourself. I don't give a da-n what anyone on here has to say about it. WHen I was young, I watched my mom get beaten, after my father died. It leaves a scar that lasts a long time. You and your children need to get out of there! There isn't anyone that can do it for you, only you. I assume that you have family or friends that you can go to. If not, there are shelter or even your car. Next get an attorney and bust his a$$. You are entitled to half of everything, regardless if your name is one the property, car, whatever. Half of it is yours, half the business is yours. HE obviously doesn't give a rats rearend about you or your feelings. It's allright to give up under those circumstances. NO ONE SHOULD LIVE UNHAPPILY!
I bet everyone on here will send you a few dollars to get away from that scum bag. Get a PO BOX and post the addy here and I'll send $20. LEAVE THE SOB. Don't let money be the thing that hold you back.
You are in my prayers. I wish that you could find a man that would support your dreams rather than destroy them. If I can help in any way... let me know
Yes i have family and friends, but lawyers around here are not cheap, BUT dont think i wont try. i am going to sell some of my things to get the money to get a good lawyer. I dont know how oregon law works, but i dont want much, just enough to keep my kids in school and a roof over our heads. I can always get a job until I can start doing taxidermy full time.
The first time he TOUCHED YOU OFFENSIVELY you should have been gone. No human deserves that kind of indignity from someone who's sworn to share his life with you. Find yourself a person you can be with and feel safe. The joys of a happy relationship can't be overstressed.
Now I want to warn you about something. I have a step-daughter who seems to be attracted to these type people. She's on her third marriage now. This guy doesn't physically abuse her, but his mental abuse is just as bad. He's a butt ugly worm who is part of the cycle gang culture (a roofer no less). Now he's closing in of 50, uglier, and his knees are gone from roofing. She's an attractive woman and she's "afraid to leave him because I've failed before". DUH! Then stop being desperate and stop being attracted to scum. There ARE good and nice men out there who'd cherish and love you like the person you are. You don't HAVE to take that kind of sh1t from ANYONE.
What do you mean "you have no place to go"? He's succeeded in brain washing you? Sure you have a place to go. File for divorce and have him served with papers. Alimony and child support are there. HALF OF EVERYTHING HE 'OWNS' BELONGS TO YOU. Sell your half. Most communities offer programs and assistance for women just like you and don't be ashamed to take it. Those who don't deserve it have no problem taking it, so why shouldn't you take advantage of it? Visit your state health clinic and get free examinations for you and your children. They have programs like WIC to provide special help and assistance for you. Stop thinking your world will end when you walk out that door. Your world is just now about to BEGIN.
My sister went through crap that I could not understand why she did. It was fear of being out on her own with nothing. Today she is fine, works two jobs, but is so much better with out the loser she picked. Our family helped her the best we could, with money and advice. The advice she ignored, so we stopped giving it to her. She had to make the decision to get the divorce started, he would not. It's time for you to play dirty and get what you want, out. The law will favor your side. And advice from taxidermist isn't wrong, it's support from friends. There are better days ahead, but you have to get yourself there. Find a safe house somewhere for you and the kids and get your ducks in a row.
I learned my lesson. I met him when i was 19 and very nieve. Now, even though he had never done it before, I realize that even giving him a second chance was a mistake. No place to go means, I am not leaving the place I have. He can go. And good riddence. I have a home here, for now and I wont let him push me out.
My kids are too old for wic, but I am sure that on monday i will be able to sign up for assistance of some kind.
As far as half, some states are different. I think oregon requires 10 years of marraige before enstating that rule. W ehave been married 7. Even so, Like I said, I am not asking much. he can have the house he is building, thats his dream, he can have it, but there is a second lot, it is not worth as much, but like you said, i could sell it and get a few things together, a perminant place to live and support for my kids.
I just want t be rid of him. I just want to get out now. i dont want to fight over a whole bunch of stuff, property and custody. but i wont let him out easy either. I am silling to settle. But I wont walk away without 6 year compensation for working like a man without pay.
Im not kidding about framing. My body is falling apart. my bastard husband dosnt care either, he wont get me medical insurance and he wont even put insurance on my car. How pathetic is that?
So yeah, good riddence to bad rubbish.
...longest time. Until she finally met and married a good guy. She and YOU have (had) a low self-esteem. You sound like a good person with a level head on your shoulders. There's no reason to have such a low self-image and once you get away from this ass, life will not only look much "rosier", but you'll start believing in yourself MORE and you'll gain confidence to do things all by yourself.
Don't listen to Cecil. You might get more than a broken jaw if you stick around and stand up to him. Instead, call his probation officer and have him arrested for violating his probation. This will give you some time to seek some legal help. The lawyer might even recommend DCFS getting involved. You're main priority is getting yourself and the kids away from this idiot ASAP. And, you want to do it legally. Your lawyer will probably recommend filing for sole custody of the kids as your hubby's track history and the fact you're a female will put the odds well in your favor that you will get the kids. Take him to the cleaners and get everything that is owed to you. And you're also entitled to child support. Eventually, you can probably get a restraining order filed against him. Bottom line is you need to get out of there as quickly as possible with the kids. But again, do it legally...
this really sounds like someone jerking our chain for enertainment. all we are hearing is one side of the story. sounds like gina is making her husband sound worse with each post. gina, being a woman you have nothing to worry about, you will get the house, kids and a fat check every month. then you will live happily ever after on you ex husband income. then if you go on welfare you can really work the system. i say all this assuming that this is a normal marraige with normal disputes, like money. but if there actually is violence going on then that changes everything. i too believe that no man should ever hit a woman! just sounds to me like you are looking for attention and someone to feel sorry for you.
from your last nights post and todays, it's plain to see that if you had seven arms, you would have a date for ever night of the week.
not that bad. just bad enought to know a LITTLE bit about women, and its easy to see through this one.
He probably doesn't think he is doing anything wrong. He was probably raised that way and doesn't know any better. None of which is your fault, nor can you change it for him. As for people who don't believe you, or who think you are exagerating, they probably don't know any better either. It happens every day and in every area. I see it often through the fire department. The thing that makes police, fire, and EMS personnel angry the first time is the spouse who is doing the abusing. After the third trip to someone's house to patch them up, the sympathy begins to fade and anger sets in at the person for staying. Get out! Start building your life back now. It will only get harder the longer you wait.
Gather you kids and what you can and leave NOW. Call the police to help you if thats what it takes. No discusions, no nothing. If you wewre my daughter I would come and get you out and he would be a very sad boy. I am going to pray alot for you and I know others are also.
Abuse and cheating? You didnt mention that in that other post. You have two choices.. File a restraining order barring him from the house and from you and the children. Very easy to do since hes already been ahuled into court over it before. Then file for a divorce.. You need to understand that marriage is a legal contract, HALF of everything is YOURS . It doesnt matter if you never worked outside the home a day in your life, you cared for the kids etc its half yours :) Just being his wife makes you half owner in everything.. Also contact a good divorce lawyer someone who has no tolerance for domestic violence, someone who will go after your hubby for every dime he thinsk he owns.
ALso dont leave the home.. make him leave it. Why should YOU and the kids be out of a home just because hes a jerk?
the safety and well being of your CHILDREN comes FIRST over everything and ALL things. You can figure all that out later, YOU will find the help you need if you'll just look. LEAVE NOW as in right NOW! TODAY! NOW! THIS MINUTE!
Jim's right on this one... From what I have seen of friends and family members in similar situations, this is only going to worsen. Even if the marriage can be saved (and frankly- based solely on what you have said and assuming it all to be correct- it sounds to me like he has went past the point to where even the Bible says no to divorce), it sounds to me like you and the kids are in what could become a potentially volatile situation. There is NO excuse whatsoever for physical abuse. None. You need some space between you/the kids and him to feel safe and get some perspective.
As with others on this site, I will pray for you as well. I have never been pigeon holed by a spouse about some of the matters you mention, but I have had to deal with a cheating spouse and worrying about losing my kids, so I can empathize somewhat. My heart goes out to you.
you're an idiot. Just because some woman has put the screws to you, doesn't mean that they are all like that. Any man that has to hit a woman, isn't really a man. If it were self defense it would be one thing but to hit a woman because she didn't do what he wanted or when is just because he isn't man enough to take on another man. I was 5 when I watched my mom get hit, and I will fight any man who wants to hit a woman in front of me. Now if your ex left you because you hit her and gets a fat alimony check, good for her. Now if she left you for other reasons, hate to hear it.But don't make light of a woman getting hit. Sometimes thing don't work out, it's part of life, but it sounds like you have a chip that you need to get rid of.
i told you they are all sisters. look what rae had to say "contact a good lawyer who will go after your hubby for every dime he thinks he owns" give me a break!
and very important "Get a LAWYER"! I don't know how the law works in the state you live in, but in NC it doesn't matter if my wifes name is on something or not if I own it, she owns 50% of it. Thats including my business! A good lawyer will have I'm supporting you and the kids very well or he'll be in jail.
Hang in there, EJ
I said go after not take.. A lawyers job is to find every asset that is part of the mnarriage no matter how well hidden it is. It has to be divided LOL.. I didnt mean take the guy for all he is worth LOL..
But Fair is Fair if shes going to divorce the guy she is entitled to half... And can you really see that guy saying well ya know I have this account over here, etc?
Well, all she would have to say is if you don't want to do right by me. I'll just take my 50% of the properties I know about "including the business" That is have of every piece of equipment he uses for his work. Most times that will snap a guy back to the real world and cause him to be more reasonable to deal with. Personally, I think she should take him for all she can. I have no time for a guy who hits a women! I have stopped a few from hitting me, but I have never hit one.
you are just blowing now, i already stated what i thought about hitting a lady. 9 times out of ten the man gets screwed and thats just common knoledge. most women learn very quickly how to work the system, if they dont already know from past experience one of their experienced sisters will always be there to give advice. im shure there are exceptions.
Gosh Marty wrong again! LOL
Seriously Gina I hope this works out for you. Best of luck! From an experience regarding one of my sisters, wife beaters are like phedophiles they just keep doing it.
he just dosnt know it yet...
I changed th locks, he wont get in.
I put a heads up with the police, they wont do anything until something actually happens...of course, the cavalry always arives at the end of the show...LOL
Anyway, as for lee, thanks for your imput, now imput it where the sun dont shine.
As fro everyone else, thank you for your support. i am going to get this worked out. I am going to have to start monday though, everything is closed, even womens space was not answering thier phone.
Anyway, thanks again. I am going to have to make alot of changes. One of them will have to be what I am going to do with my taxidermy.
gina your nuts! why would anybody in their right mind APPLY marital advice from an internet forum, let alone a taxidermy site! i can turn the nicest lady in the world into a complete _____ if im the only one telling the story. come on, mabey all the things you say are true but i seriously doubt it. take a good look at yourself and then realize that it takes two people to argue. you are more than likley 1/2 of the problem. mabey you should find some chatroom and search for more advice.
There are always people who will tell you what you want to hear, espicially when your the only one telling the story!
"Throw the Rat Out"? "Get away from the rat" I think would have been better advice?
Although, given the last post by Gina - she sure makes things now sound like she isn't afraid to stand up to him. I KNOW I could get into my house with locked doors if I wanted to. And I suspect her hubby's going to be even more angry when his key doesn't fit. Sure hope he doesn't come home drunk. Only Gina know's the level that this will escalate to. I sure hope she's right in her choice to stay...
That POS needs snad pounded up his @ss, and you should be gone.
Any man that hits a woman obviously has no character, no self control, and has other serious issues.
Your kids will see this, and the cycle will come full circle. They will see this behavior as the normal thing in a marriage, and it will most likely wind up in their own someday if you don't get them out of the situation.
Obviously up to you, but women should be treated with respect and a marriage should be fun and loving for the most part.
You know what you need to do and I wish you the best.
Sand also works if you can't get ahold of any snad.
not going anywhere make sure you have a cell phone handy at all times. If you need to get out call a church, any church they will help you. I've really enjoyed the stories and jokes you've posted in the past and hope for the day your doing that again instead of dealing with this. Good Luck, John Mallien
Gina, first, please dont take offense to this, but we all here have to remember that we are hearing one side of the story. Working in law enforcement for all of my professional life I've learned too many times over that you have to hear both sides before you draw a conclusion, no matter how compelling one side may seem at first.
Secondly, I want you to know that Im on board with all the other "anti-beaters". IF you are or have been abused that way, no matter what else happened, he was wrong and you need to get away from him.
Thirdly, Im sorry that you are feeling so desperate that you felt compelled to air this on any forum. This is not a critisizm. I say this with compassion. I hope you have a support system of people/family where you live. People who know you personally and love you very much.
and finally... assuming that everything you said is exactly the way it is, then YES, you should get out. Yes, 50% of what was aquired in the marriage is yours and 50% of the appreciated value of anything aquired before the marriage is yours. You are right to worry about getting a desease from him. You should be worried about being beaten by him again. Be most careful at this stage of the game. Its when a battered wife leaves that she is in the greatest danger. I wish you all the luck and God bless.
My Vote goes to Gina and all the nice things she posts on here.Lee you should shut up and take a hike.You should support your peers ahole.Real men dont hit women.
i have already made it clear in my earlier post that there is NO excuse for hitting a woman. so you post does not make sense.
Is Gina OK? Or do you not read all her posts? Its not hard to figure out that she has a good heart in reading past posts.Wake up and Go Read.Then it will make sense.
if i understand what you posted earlier..you said you changed the locks? what happens when he comes home?
what are you prepared for?
its time to have family and friends over to the house if you plan on staying there...you will need them as witnesses.
a restraining order wont even protect the filing cabinet its stored in at the court house.
talk to a lawyer see what you need to do legally...if you know what i am trying to say.
you need friends around. dont be alone in the house if he shows up drunk. not if he is as violent as you said he is.
He came back, and I told him to go away. he said he was sorry, and left. he later called, but i did not answer, seeing his number on the ID.
I have my sister with me and I have a brother that visits regularly. I also have a friend who I go hunting with who I can trust to help if I need it.
Desperate, maybe, for posting here. But when you begin to feel like the world that you know is falling all round you, you seek help where you are most comfortable. I am comfortable here.
I consider all of you my friends. You have all been helpful in helping with taxidermy. I know alot of you dont want to hear these things, and your right, I should not have burdended any one here with it either.
Thanks Hogger, you are right. You do hear one side of the story. Logical thinking would be the best course, rational thoughts, instead of frantic desperation. I need him out of my life for a while until I can decide what I am going to do and just how I am going to go about doing it.
Luckly, the children dont see us argue. though last night my oldedst asked wher his daddy was, all i could say is I dont know. He wanted to know why we were upset and I told him some people just have arguments and need a little time to get thier thoughts together.
As for lee, well...I guess he sticks his own foot in his mouth. A fool will be known by what he says, a wise man by his silence.
I am going to go seek some professional help for me and the kids. Whatever my husband decides to do is his business, but if he cant get his head screwed on tight, i am going to not let him ruin my life. I dont know what I will do with him. I'll have to see what single life has to offer first...LOL
It might be nice to make my own decisions for once! LOL
current events, not YOUR current events! go to a single mom forum and find sympathy there, make shure your husband pays your internet bill first though!
You're a real charmer. Just finish up an 18 pack of Busch light did ya?
BTW...Any relation to Gina's husband, or are you just a natural at being a dumb@ss?
...Get legal advise right now! I know that laws vary a lot from state to state and you NEED a lawyer working for you. I know that in some states you forfeit some of your rights if you do the leaving. You should be talking to authorities(since it's sunday, law enforcement is where you start)NOW, if you haven't already. If tomorrow morning doesn't find you talking to a lawyer you have only yourself to blame for anything that happens. Sorry to be so blunt, this is a serious situation that neither you nore your children should be in, GET IT DONE!
How do you feed a family of 4 on $300 a month?
You should rephrase that last sentence in the above post and replace the word "might", with "Will."
"It WILL be nice to make my own decisions for once! LOL"
If you continue to view this issue with those "Might" thoughts before you know it he will be back in your life again doing the same crap all over again. Get a restraining order and make sure the authorities take his guns if he has any. People with uncontrollable anger issues shouldn't have them anyway. Let him know you are serious as a heart attack! As for your spouse's anger issue...he hasn't addressed it up to this point even when the courts instructed him to and apparently doesn't feel the need. It's like an alcoholic stating he doesn't need AA to quit. I wonder why his probation officer doesn't have him locked up or at least have him back in front of the sentencing judge forcing him to explain his inability to comply with the terms of probation? Soft judges make hardened criminals. Probation officers who don't do their jobs should be reported to those judges willing to enforce compliance.
Lastly...get yourself a gun and go nowhere without it.
I have already talked to his office, they cant do anything until he does something as far as the law is concerned. He did not drink after all.
I came home about noon yesterday and I told him to shove off, which he did, but he did not stink of booze. So far, he has not broken any stipulations of his probation, so there is nothing I can do. I cant even get a restraining order without just cause, which means they want proof of abuse, or its just domestic dispute.
Its more than just abuse though. I am going to get a test for STDs too. just in case.
You know, I really wonder if this is a recurrance of his mid life crisis, cause asking for ONE date, should not have lead to all tis trouble. He is so emotional lately. I cant even talk to him rationally without him getting defensive and making excuses for his behavior.
Just one date, and there would not have been any problem. We were doing fine up until that point. Just fantastic, really, a picture perfect marraige, then it falls apart because I ask tog o on a date...how lame is that?
I havent been out on a date with him since last december. He has been out playing pool once or twice a week...every week, for the past 3 years. So whats so hard about ONE date?
I dont know, if such a simple thing can get him so riled, and make him behave with "I'm not coming home" just to spite me. I dont need that. I also dont need to worry about what he is doing or if he is drinking himself into a rage, just to come home and cause trouble. Or if he is out with antoerh woman, just to spite me.
I cant live a rollercoaster, just because he needs professional help for his anger and his emotions. If he has hidden issues, he needs to get his head on straight and go see a shrink, or get some depression meds.
Not take it out oin his family.
Drugs do that to people. My take is he into some kind of illegal drug use. That makes people real moody and hard to talk to.
I don't see why you can't go talk to his probation officer about forcing the anger management issue. After all this is having a direct affect on your life and those of your children.
Just when was the nose broken if it has been a picture perfect marriage?
Your last post almost sounds like you are having second thoughts about leaving him. And what if your STD tests come back negative? Does that make his behavior any more acceptable to you?
Have you spoken to an attorney yet? If you haven't you aren't serious!
Lots of questions that only YOU can answer.