re re spouses

Submitted by lee on 8/20/06 at 10:48 AM. ( ) 68.238.129.241

sounds like gina took everybodys advice and split the family up. For the kids sake i hope everything she said was not exagrated! making the disicion to get a divorce when there are kids involved is not somthing to be decided on an internet forum. every body gave gina some VERY serious advice that will affect their kids for the rest of their life. nobody knows gina personally and only heard her story. hopefully you gave the right advice?

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she gave you some advice

This response submitted by Mr.T on 8/20/06 at 11:09 AM. ( ) 68.79.167.32

go read her last post to you.


Personally?

This response submitted by Happily married on 8/20/06 at 11:41 AM. ( ) 68.76.119.63

Lee from what I and everyone else have read I think we know your personality. You are in a minority on this one. Maybe you should look into a mirror and have a long talk with yourself.


lee...

This response submitted by Greg Waite on 8/20/06 at 11:51 AM. ( ) 204.116.181.146

I just don't get you. What part of abuse don't you understand? It doesn't matter if her husband is the greatest father of all, if he is abusing her, he is still a piece of garbage. I am really sorry that you got screwed, cause it's obvious that it happened, but don't assume that you are the right one here. You really need to seek some help with the issues that you have in regards to women. I agree that we are only hearing one side, but when that one side is talking abuse, whether physical or mental, it is time to look at whether it is worth trying to fix. If not, move on. If it is, then that is another story. Obviously Gina feels that she is being held back and not in control of her life. WHy is it that you are the only one that is not seeing this? Why do you have such issues with women, that you can't see that for Gina, she feels that this is best for her? I don't disagree with you that some women do things that aren't right, this seems to have happened to you, but it is her decision and based on her statements, IT IS THE RIGHT DECISION. Get over it. As far as the children, if there are things going on like she said, the children will be better off anyhow. Children are one of life's greatest gifts, and they adjust to things that we sometimes can't fathom. But you can't stay with someone that tries to control every aspect of your life because there are children involved. That's how cycles start, father's abusing mothers leads to son's abusing their wives.


Lee, what is it with you?

This response submitted by George on 8/20/06 at 12:00 PM. ( georoof@aol.com ) 64.12.117.9

Does your spouse beat you just for kicks or only when he/she is drunk? And that "for the children" is so much palpable crap I don't know if you have any sense of good taste. Children subject to an environment of abuse OF ANY SORTS is no more conducive to good mental and physical health than separation/divorce is. ANYONE who stays married "for the kids" is as big a fool as you are. Children are a whole lot more resilient than you and the politically correct mindset would have anyone believe. Each of us only has one life and living that life "for the children" or anyone elses is a total waste of life. What part of that are you incapable of understanding. You've already demonstrated you innate hate of women in general when you insinutate they "all" use the system.

A woman who lets a man hit her JUST ONCE WITHOUT REPORTING IT TO AUTHORITIES give the man a sense of empowerment and gives her a sense of lacking control over her life. Once that empowerment is given, it only give license to more of the same. Why do I sense YOU know that? Any man who'd strike a woman is a gutless creep that should be in jail period. And don't come here with that "provocation" crap. A man can always turn around and walk away. That is, if he truly IS a man to begin with.


geroge

This response submitted by lee on 8/20/06 at 1:07 PM. ( ) 68.238.129.241

go back and read, i made it VERY clear that i disagree with a man hitting a woman. if that actually happend then the right advice was given, if it didnt, then you screwed up.

The fact is that it is impossible to give sound advice about sombody elses marriage when you only are hearing one side of the story.


Lee, just for a second, listen to what you're saying

This response submitted by George on 8/20/06 at 3:19 PM. ( ) 205.188.117.73

You obviously don't know people very well. Usually, mature adults already have their minds made up. They aren't looking for advice, they're looking for reassurance. The lady either had or hadn't endured what she described. Either way, she'd decided what her next step SHOULD be but was looking for a familiar voice to tell her she'd be OK. Using your analogy, you could never ask your parents for advice as their answers would be slanted. Sure they would, but you'd still ask a familiar face. NO, we aren't "professional psychiatrists" but they aren't considered much in mainstream medicine unless they have an MD stuck in their title someplace. Psychologist are nothing more than professional advice givers and can't prescribe medications. What's the difference. She asked for free advice. She got it. She's a grown woman and will have to take that on it's merit, but I still suspect she wasn't looking for any of us to approve or disapprove. She wanted encouragement from her "friends". And the best way to have a friend is to be a friend. You can hide behind that "we aren't professionals" all you'd like, but I keep my friends separated from my professional relationships. I value each one just as much as the other.


whatever,

This response submitted by lee on 8/20/06 at 3:27 PM. ( ) 68.238.129.241

hopefully it all works out for them and their kids, im going back to work.


Best thing I ever did for my children...

This response submitted by Evelyn on 8/20/06 at 4:41 PM. ( ) 205.188.117.73

was GETTING A DIVORCE. You cannot have children exposed to an abusive environment, whether it is verbal/mental or physical. Even if the absue is not directed towards the children directly, it affects them and has a very negative impact on their future and how they treat their relationships later on in life. My children have it a lot better now. The time we do spend with them now has become QUALITY TIME, versus yelling, screaming, name calling etc.

Gina needs to get herself and the children out of this abusive environment before its too late. I guess it really doesn't matter whether you like it or not, it's not your choice to make not your life to live...it is Gina's.


I think what Lee is saying

This response submitted by Cecil 64.184.41.234 on 8/20/06 at 6:56 PM. ( ) 64.184.42.8

is since we don't know Gina how do we know she's telling the truth? I don't believe he's condoning abuse.

Personally I believe her and will give her the benefit of the doubt.


Does it matter Cecil?

This response submitted by George on 8/20/06 at 7:08 PM. ( ) 205.188.117.73

Really? If she made the whole thing up, would YOUR opinion of the situation she described be any different. That's what "WHATEVER" lee had to say (Boy that word pisses me off more than anything as it portrays a closed mind shutting down and incapable of intelligent thought). And I'm with Evelyn. I don't have any doubt that my divorce was the best thing I could have ever done "for the children". They'd endured most of their lives with two parents living independently of the other, little conversation around the home, and nothing but animosity when things were spoken. That's why that "for the children" is the vernacular of a fool. Every child deserves a happy and loving life around it, even if that means separately.

BTW Cecil, am I the only one who's noticed the vacuum made by the bible thumpers on this issue? Amazin.


"Closed mind shutting down everything" George?

This response submitted by Cecil 64.184.41.234 on 8/20/06 at 7:34 PM. ( ) 64.184.42.8

Now I've never seen that before on this site. I can name a few on here that have that down to a science. ROFLMAO

You're right though George. Gina has her mind made up and I wish her the best. Like I said wife abusers are like phedophiles they rarely get better. I least that's what I've observed.

Lee hasn't figured out yet it's the wives in this world that decide if we're gonna get lucky tonight, that keep things together, and usually the ones that decide if there's going to be a divorce. LOL

Yes, the the religious vacuum is quite peculiar isn't it regarding this? I have a theory that the thumpers have some skeletons in the closest regarding this subject so they won't comment. Or they believe women should be seen and not heard or barefoot and pregnant. I have noticed a couple of them on here have some "control" issues too. LOL


Bible thumper

This response submitted by Michael Sestak on 8/20/06 at 8:34 PM. ( ) 24.49.203.34

not to sure about the bible thumper thing, but i do know that the Catholic Church will grant you an annulment after your divorce, even if you have children.

i always thought that an annulment meant that it never happened, so in the eyes of the church if the marriage never happened,
what about the children? do they exist? (yes) so does an annulment make them ill legimate


Lee, you're an

This response submitted by Becky P on 8/20/06 at 8:55 PM. ( ) 205.188.117.73

a$$. If they are NOT happy, abuse or not, the kids should not be subjected to it. I know, I grew up in it, both ways (my "father" and my step "father"). Divorce is better than living in misery and staying married JUST for the kids is not right. They'll grow up thinking it's just fine to be in a disfunctionable/abusive/miserable marriage. Better to be divorced and alive than married and dead. BP


Michael it gets more interesting

This response submitted by Cecil 64.184.41.234 on 8/20/06 at 10:25 PM. ( ) 64.184.42.8

Although I am a catholic one of the issues I have with this anullment thing is it comes with a price tag. Money will get you an annulment. I think that corrupt. At least that's my interpretation. I know two people that got an annullment so I'm not making this up.


every catholic thing has a price tag

This response submitted by terryr on 8/20/06 at 11:34 PM. ( ) 12.207.33.102

kids being molested by priests sounds like an awful high price for anyone to pay


Everyone is entitled to thier opinion...

This response submitted by Gina on 8/21/06 at 9:55 AM. ( ) 71.236.215.234

I dont care if Lee believes me. Even if what he says is grating and inconsiderate. I know what i know.

I thank everyone for thier considerate remarks. I thank everyone for thier opinons and thier sympathies. Whatever i do today as far as getting a lawyer and figuring out how to go about settling this (rather than a long drawn out court)

I want Lee to know it was not just the people here, but my friends and family, who know me very well and have stood aside and watched the pain I have gone through, who have helped me make the decision.

I dont want to be mentally for physically abused, and although he hit me once, I am afraid of his doing it again. What kind of marriage can a person have if they are always mistrustful and afraid?

I will do what I need to do. What I know is right...


Everyone is entitled to thier opinion...

This response submitted by Gina on 8/21/06 at 9:55 AM. ( ) 71.236.215.234

I dont care if Lee believes me. Even if what he says is grating and inconsiderate. I know what i know.

I thank everyone for thier considerate remarks. I thank everyone for thier opinons and thier sympathies. Whatever i do today as far as getting a lawyer and figuring out how to go about settling this (rather than a long drawn out court)

I want Lee to know it was not just the people here, but my friends and family, who know me very well and have stood aside and watched the pain I have gone through, who have helped me make the decision.

I dont want to be mentally for physically abused, and although he hit me once, I am afraid of his doing it again. What kind of marriage can a person have if they are always mistrustful and afraid?

I will do what I need to do. What I know is right...


Catholic facts

This response submitted by Jim Marsico on 8/21/06 at 12:39 PM. ( ) 63.227.248.125

A person does not pay for an annullment if they don't have the money and then the cost is rarely over $200.00; thats hundred; this is cover all the phone calls and secretary work involved, they make ZERO profit EVER. The church WILL NOT and NEVER has annulled a marriage that they find was valid, only invalid marriages are annulled. Only a preist can answer those questions. Only LESS than 1 tenth of one percent of priests have ever been accussed of anything improper EVER and ALL the other churches and religions all have the same % OR MORE. The catholic church is the juglar of ALL Christianity, if you were Satan you to would go for the juglar which is the Catholic Church, which is exactly what happens. I wish Cecil would learn his faith esp. before posting falsehoods about it. I guess its a liberal thing. ? "All things work out for the good for those that love the Lord" Gina. Remember that and pray and it will work out for you.


P. S.

This response submitted by Jim Marsico on 8/21/06 at 12:44 PM. ( ) 63.227.248.125

An annullment has ZERO to do with the children, it is between the parents and the church ONLY. The catholic church IS the most staunch protector of life and promoter of the christain faith on the planet and always has been.


Isn't it Ironic...

This response submitted by John Wilkie on 8/21/06 at 1:36 PM. ( ) 199.253.126.3

in all the other posts the "Bible thumpers" are told to get off this site or stick to Taxidermy and now the "Bible thumpers" are criticized for lack of input?


Personally

This response submitted by Jim Marsico on 8/21/06 at 1:44 PM. ( ) 63.227.248.125

I have and always only have "responded" to serious questions, attacks, and falsehoods about my faith "already" posted. I also answer many questions and post help to many taxidermy questions as I am able to or can. I do not concider myself a bible tumper but I am a person of faith and I feel that I know my faith. Whats wrong with that?


annullments

This response submitted by Michael Sestak on 8/21/06 at 11:49 PM. ( ) 24.49.203.34

are free if you CANT PAY for them. when i got mine after 3 years of marriage, the church said it costs 200.00 if i could afford to pay for it.
they also...now get this... wanted me to appear in front of a TRIBUNAL to answer questions regarding my 3 year marriage.

i refused, they demanded, i still refused.
i told them to believe anything the ex told them, my personal life was none of their business.

i guess they had her appear in front of a TRIBUNAL, the annullment was granted so i guess a 3 year marriage wasnt valid after all.
so how long does it take for a marriage to be valid?
and if their were children involved whats the church ruling on them?
MONEY rules...
i know it does because my current mother in law got a letter from the church telling her how much she HAS to pay to help them reduce THEIR debt.
she lives on a fixed income and couldnt afford the amount, instead of telling them NO, she went back to work.
MONEY rules...you can get anything for the right amount $$$$$


I respectfully disagree Jim

This response submitted by Cecil 64.184.41.234 on 8/22/06 at 9:32 PM. ( ) 64.184.42.8

Like I said I know the two people involved in these annullments and they were told point blank that a significant donation would take care of it. Maybe that's not the case in your parish or diocese but we all know some wicked things have gone on in our church.

Did you hear about the priest in Connecticut that embezzlled thousands, and with some of that money bought a townhouse for he and his boyfriend and was buying designer clothes. Not the rule of course but bad things do happen in the church. The sad thing is as usual the Bishop wouldn't listen to the parishoners and it took months for him to take action.

Now Jim I know a little bit about the Catholic church as I was baptised in the church, I've been parish counsel president, counsel member, the wife and I serve wine, and we have and are both lectures. I have strong ties with the chruch but I also know men are fallible.


Cecil

This response submitted by Terry on 8/23/06 at 1:37 PM. ( go_tigers90@yahoo.com ) 209.165.134.49

...Speaking as one of the Bible Thumpers, or I assume you classify me as that, based on your fishing charter offer of a few weeks ago... LOL

I cannot speak for the rest of us thumpers, my silence was grounded in the fact that I was camped in a mountain valley, not staying away from the topic.

And you know what? I agree with you. Assuming her story is just as she says it is (I believe her also), she needs to put distance between her and her husband. Because I do believe God can work in anyone and do anything, I do think- with God's help- her husband could overcome this. But I have to agree with you... abusers do seem a lot like pedophiles in that it just seems like it never stops; they repeat the behavior over and over. For the sake of her own safety and that of her kids, she needs to get away. If God is going to work a miracle, super... He certainly is capable. But that can only come with time and she does need to address the here and now first.

I have not had a chance to read every single post regarding this issue, so I hope I did not misrepresent anything you may have said previously.

Have a terrific Wednesday. :-)


liars

This response submitted by Jim Marsico on 8/23/06 at 6:06 PM. ( ) 63.227.248.125

Cecil I say flat out that your friends are liars.


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