things you never hear a boy from the south say

Submitted by north boy on 8/25/06 at 9:28 PM. ( )

1. Oh I Just Couldn't, She's Only Sixteen.

2. I'll Take Shakespeare For $1,000, Alex...

3. Duct Tape Won't Fix That.

4. Come To Think Of It, I'll Have A Heineken.

5. We Don't Keep Firearms In This House.

6. We Don't Feed That To The Dog.

7. No Kids In The Back Of The Pickup, It's Just Not Safe.

8. Wrestling's Fake.

9. We're Vegetarians.

10. Do You Think My Gut Is Too Big?

11. I'll Have Grapefruit & Grapes Instead Of Biscuits & Gravy.

12. Honey, We Don't Need Another Dog.

13. Who Gives A Damn Who Won The Civil War.

14. Give Me The Small Bag Of Pork Rinds.

15. Too Many Deer Heads Detract From The Decor.

16. I Just Couldn't Find A Thing At Wal-Mart Today.

17. Trim The Fat Off That Steak.

18. Cappuccino Tastes Better Than Expresso.

19. The Tires On That Truck Are Too Big.

20. I've Got It All On The C Drive.

21. Unsweetened Tea Tastes Better.

22. My Fiancee, Bobbie Jo, Is Registered At Tiffany's.

23. I've Got Two Cases Of Zima For The Super Bowl.

24. Checkmate...!

25. She's Too Young To Be Wearing A Bikini.

26. Hey, Here's An Episode Of "Hee Haw" That We've Not Seen.

27. I Don't Have A Favorite College Team.

28. You All.

29. Those Shorts Ought To Be A Little Longer, Betty Mae.

30. Nope, No More For Me. I'm Driving...

Return to Current Events Category Menu

sone Wyoming humor, back at ya

This response submitted by Absoraka on 8/25/06 at 10:40 PM. ( )


This response submitted by north boy on 8/25/06 at 10:46 PM. ( )

it won't come up for me but I am sure its good and funny, which is all this is meant to be, well at least funny..

Try again same thing -different video

This response submitted by Absoraka on 8/25/06 at 11:11 PM. ( )

Cute Yankee

This response submitted by George on 8/25/06 at 11:12 PM. ( )

But I've lived equally on both sides of the Mason Dixon line long enough that the ONLY thing that's different between Northern Yahoos and Southern Rednecks ISN'T the accents or the name of the brew they drink (Sam Adams and Pabst Blue Ribbon are about the same to me), but the states they live in. (Wasn't it the BOSTON Archdiocese that paid all the money for pedophilia.)Southerners just laugh at jokes about going to family reunions to get a date, Northerners get defensive.

Anyway, if it's so bad there, why are all you Yankees buying swamp land down there? If they kicked all the Yankees out of Florida it would be a wasteland.

N.C.. redneck

This response submitted by Nat on 8/26/06 at 1:02 AM. ( )

I've lived in Wilmington N.C. all my life ;used to be a nice little beach town of about 60 thousand now Shermons army has moved in .They visit and come back to stay .Had to find new hunting land further out of town this year ,turning it into residential area.Houses have gone from a 100 to 150 k to 200 to 400 (average) all the way to 3.5 mil on the water.
It would be ok if ya'll would leave that ,know it all ,I've got to run it all attitude back home .We already had things worked out pretty good or all of ya'll wouldn't have come back to stay .We rednecks have had enough invasions out of ya'll.So if ya'll have got to come down here don't try to change us into one of them Liberal New York yankees .And if any one of you Yankees try to mess with my Grits or collards , theres going to be some bad trouble around here! And that goes special for you Cecil! p.S. ya'll stay up there in Illinos and grow them big bucks and I'll come up there and visit you.We Southern boys will teach you Yankees a thing or 2 about deer huntin.

I hate to disappoint you Nat but...

This response submitted by Cecil on 8/26/06 at 8:52 AM. ( )

I was born south of the Mason Dixon line an have lived down there too long before I settled in Indiana. I know as well as you do that list is a crock.

I may be weird but I thought Mayberry would have been the perfect town to live in. I like New England but can't stand most of the people. (Yuppies)

Oh No Cecil!

This response submitted by David Patton on 8/26/06 at 9:11 AM. ( )

That list is Legit! That is why it is so funny...There is always some truth in humor.

I used to have some preconceived notions about southerners

This response submitted by Cecil on 8/26/06 at 1:20 PM. ( )

(The ones way down south) I found out just like any other sterotype it's mostly based on a few folks. I knew a girl from Memphis in college who's father was a pathologist. I was astounded that she was from Memphis as she had no southern drawl whatsoever. Same with Boston. Not everyone from Boston has the thick accent. And as far as smarts some of the brightest people much to my dismay in college came from the south. It was a *itch when you were in a class that was competitive where they weeded people out.

I always like these encounters:

This response submitted by David Patton on 8/26/06 at 9:37 PM. ( )

When attending Fiber Festivals in the Northeast, I wear my cowboy hat and use my best East Texas drawl I developed as a kid. I invariably will be approached by someone who will ask if my business is in Texas (my booth has Lonestar Wool & Fur all over it) to which my reply is "Nope, North Carolina". Then, caught off guard, the person will say "Oh, I thought I heard some NC twang in that accent!" I go with it. That one and "Hey, are you related to the General Patton". "Yup" I reply. Kinda kills the joke for them!

Actually Yankees aren't that bad once you get to know them. I even have a couple for neighbors now. New Hampshire natives. Hard working retirees that would give the shirt off their back for you if you needed it. Nothing like the stereotypical Yankee that Pa and Grandpa always told us about around the deer camp. Imagine that!

Actually New Hampshire and Maine

This response submitted by Cecil on 8/26/06 at 10:45 PM. ( )

folks from my experiene are like that. Nice and down to earth and very friendly. Massachusetts and Vermont are are a different story. I once stopped in Massachusetts for directions to Quabbin Reservoir and my first words were, "We're not from around here." The woman immediately said, "Well that's obvious!" in a real stuck up kind of way. Obviously my lack of an accent told her so. Later I thought I should have said, "Well at least we can say our 'r's in Indiana. We don't sound like we have a speech impediment. LOL

Actually you can find [expletive deleted]s anywhere and good people anywhere. The worst place to find good people for me is the big cities. The nastiest and rudest people I have ever met were in the big cities. It seems to me urban dwellers are always in a hurry, no patience, short tempered, and stressed out.


This response submitted by Randy on 8/27/06 at 10:15 AM. ( )

Why can't you stand people from New England? I thought they were all rank leftist liberals. :)

Southern Security System

This response submitted by Jim Marsico on 8/27/06 at 1:49 PM. ( )

1. Go to a second-hand store (or Goodwill) and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work

2. Place the boots on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a
copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your front door that reads:
Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more
ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked
the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer
took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.


This response submitted by brian f on 8/27/06 at 9:13 PM. ( )

so what do ya'll think?


This response submitted by Nat on 8/27/06 at 11:49 PM. ( )

I,m with you ,Mayberry would be the perfect place to live but; alas I don,t think there are many Mayberrys in existance anymore .Ps. sorry I though you were a Yankee.

Return to Current Events Category Menu