You think You have computer troubles? Software Alert

Submitted by Mick on 1/17/01. ( )

Important software alert I received via e-mail today, that I felt important enough to share with you all. Some of you may be able to prevent the damage before it happens.WIFE 1.0 SOFTWARE ALERT!
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a
lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included
with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself
into all other programs and now launches during system initialization,
where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Fishing 7.5, and
Motorcycling 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to
run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please
help !

Dear Troubled User:
This is due to a very common problem that generates many complaints.
It is due to a primary misconception generally by male users. Many
people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is
merely a "Utilities and Entertainment program". Wife 1.0 is an
OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything! It
is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0.

Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife
1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or
purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go
back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to disallow this.
Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more
problems than in the original system. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual
under "Warnings-Alimony / Child = Support."
I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I suggest installing the background application C:\YES DEAR
to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself,
I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding "General
Partnership Faults (GPFs)." You must assume all responsibility for any
faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will
also find that GPF's are cyclical. The best course of action is to
enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR
because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program,
but it tends to be very high maintenance.

Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep
3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), Trash 4.0, and Do Bills
4.2. You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5.
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0
is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and
Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.
DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryShortSkirt 3.3. This
application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.

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This response submitted by DON W on 1/17/01. ( )

mike,time for an upgrade!

Dump the Wife!

This response submitted by Pete on 1/18/01. ( )

Dump the wife and go back to the Girlfriend.


This response submitted by Danny on 1/18/01. ( )

Do you think doing a hard boot would make the operating system more user-friendly or would it throw the entire system into fatal error?

Similar problems

This response submitted by Linda on 1/18/01. ( )

I've had similar problems after installing husband 1.2.Afew of the difficulties include,
1.Software has not lived up to advertised expectations
2.after entering commands,software does whatever it wants
3.quite often it takes repeated commands to get any thing done,and then results are usually substandard.
4.has some strange background program running that uses some new technology to emit stange oders from hard drive
5.reverts to a different language whenever it is exposed to sports programming.
6.uses considerable resourses and personal attention to accomplish the most minimal of tasks.
7.never comes with any kind of warrenty,and finding service requires dealing with others with the same software problems.
8.and finally every time you try to get rid of it, it keeps coming back!

Have fun guys! lol


This response submitted by PaulB on 1/18/01. ( )

Did the "Wife 1.0" program come with the "pleasure 6.9" software? If not I can probably save that file to disc and send it to you with some directions for correct position for downloading. believe me this added software makes the "Wife 1.0" program much easier to tolerate, and sometimes even makes you glad to have it. (Wife 1.0)



This response submitted by marty on 1/18/01. ( )

it worked in the demo though - right?

not funny

This response submitted by Dave L. on 1/19/01. ( )

What is this? Is this whole thing supposed to be some kind of joke?

I do believe it is a joke!

This response submitted by Correct on 1/20/01. ( )

Unless you happen to be living it for real, but that's what makes it funny! Look around. There is tons of taxidermy related information everywhere on this site. Hours, and hours, and hours worth. Aren't the people involved in this industry entitled to a sense of humour after what they endure daily? They are humans, not taxidermy machines. They probably don't want to think about it 24/7, and found that post refreshing. Most people here have a sense of humor, why not let them enjoy it? If it is not for you, simply click onwards.

Please lighten up, you might actually enjoy!

prefer my own operating system

This response submitted by Willy on 6/19/01. ( )

Having un-installed my old wife 1.0 (at considerable price) I am once again back to my own operating system. This gives me the luxury of testing various girlfriend packages simultaneously or individually. I have found that some girlfriend packages run very well together - on top of one another while others attempt to crash the other when detected. I'm currently not running any package as they tend to get old fast - like an overplayed computer game.

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