Very Funny

Submitted by Dean Gregg ( Coal Hollow Taxidermy) on 01/06/2004. ( gregg8664@msn.com ) 65.128.92.39

Seen this on another post thought you might like it: > >>> THE FIRST AFFAIR
> > > > >>>
> > > > >>> A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day,
> > > > >>> their passions overcame them and they took off for her house
where
> > > > >>> they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild
> > > > >>> sex, they fell asleep, awakening around eight PM. As the man
> > > > >>> threw
> > > > >>> on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and
> rub
> > > > >>> them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless
> > > > >>> complied.
> > > > >>> He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been!"
> > > > >>> demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't
lie
> > > > >>> to
> > > > >>> you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been
> > > > >>> having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until
> > > > >> eight
> > > > >>> o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You
lying
> > > > >>> bastard! You've been playing golf!"
> > > > >>>
> > > > >>> THE SECOND AFFAIR
> > > > >>>
> > > > >>> A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to
examine
> > > > >>> the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or
> > > > >>> cremated.
> > > > >>> As he examined the body of Mr. Graham who was about to be
> > > > >>> cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Graham had the longest
> > > > >>> private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Graham" said the
> > > > >>> mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a
> > > > >>> tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for
> > > > >>> posterity." With that, the man used his tools to remove the dead
> > > > >>> man's member. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and
> > > > >>> took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I
> > > > >>> have
> > > > >>> something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and
opened
> > > > >>> up his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screamed, "Graham is dead!"
> > > > >>>
> > > > >>> THE THIRD AFFAIR:
> > > > >>>
> > > > >>> A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband
> > > > >>> opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the
corner."
> > > > >>> She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him
with
> > > > >>> talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered.
> > > > >>> "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this, honey?" the
husband
> > > > >>> inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's a statue," she
replied
> > > > >>> nonchalantly. "The Jones's bought one for their bedroom. I liked
> it
> > > > >>> so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the
statue,
> > > > >>> not even later when they went to sleep. Around two in the
> > > > >>> morning,
> > > > >>> the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a
> > > > >>> while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here,"! He
said
> > > > >>> to
> > > > >>> the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Jones's
> > > > >>> for
> > > > >>> three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
> > > > >>>
> > > > >>> THE FOURTH AFFAIR:
> > > > >>>
> > > > >>> Jack was dying. His wife, Betty, was maintaining a candlelight
> > > > >>> vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down
> > > > >>> her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up
> > > > >>> and
> > > > >>> his pale lips began to move slightly. "Betty my darling," he
> > > > >>> whispered. "Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk." He was
> > > > >>> insistent "Betty," he said in his tired voice, "I have something
> > > > >>> that I must confess." "There's nothing to confess," replied the
> > > > >>> weeping Betty, "everything's all right, go to sleep." "No, no. I
> > > > >>> must die in peace, Betty. I....I slept with your sister, your
best
> > > > >>> friend, her best friend and your mother!" "I know," whispered
> > > > >>> Betty,
> > > > >>> "that's why I poisoned you."

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