On Wisconsin (humor)

Submitted by Linda C. on 03/21/2004 at 10:24. ( )

Fot those of you who live in warmer climates these are reasons we live here in Wisconsin! lol

Jeff Foxworthy on Wisconsin

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food
will swim by, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Park Falls is the coldest spot
in the nation, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy",you might live in Wisconsin.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Wisconsin.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Wisconsin.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Head Cheese, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you have either a pet or a child named "Brett", you might live in Wisconsin.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you know how to say Oconomowoc, Waukesha, Menomonie & Manitowoc, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, you might live in Wisconsin. (What?)

If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, "From the land of sky-blue
waters,....you might live in Wisconsin.


1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

2. "Vacation" means going up north past Hwy 8 for the weekend.

3. You measure distance in hours.

4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

6. Your whole family wears Packer Green to church on Sunday.

7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

8. You see people wearing camouflage at social events. (including weddings and funerals )

9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

10. You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.

11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them.

12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time.

13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

15. You refer to the Packers as "we."

16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

17. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

18. You have no problem pronouncing Lac Du Flambeau.

19. You consider Minneapolis exotic.

20. You know how to polka.

21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

23. Down South to you means Illnions .

24. A brat is something you eat.

25. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.

26. You go out to fish fry every Friday

27. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

28. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

29. You find minus twenty degrees "a little chilly."

30. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Wisconsin friends.

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Hell those.....

This response submitted by JL on 03/21/2004 at 10:39. ( wmlures@metro2000.net )

......almost all apply to NH. All except the reference to the Packers.Here those are replaced by the Patriots....just the colors and the name......same foolishness. LOL....funny post...thanks for the smile....JL

wisconsin summer in PARK FALLS

This response submitted by skullery....Jeff on 03/21/2004 at 10:56. ( )

Hi Linda! You forgot to mention that here in Park Falls IF summer falls on a weekend we have a picnic.

Minnesota Is wrosyt climate wise than wisconsin

This response submitted by Curt on 03/21/2004 at 11:50. ( )

I believe Minnesota is worst than Wisconsin. Sorry!


worse climate........not!

This response submitted by Vic on 03/21/2004 at 12:26. ( )

Minnesota still gets snow in the winter! ):

here's one for the Iowans

This response submitted by Griz on 03/21/2004 at 13:26. ( )


At 70 degrees:
Texans turn on the heat and unpack thermal
Iowans go swimming in the Mississippi River.

At 60 degrees:
North Carolinians try to turn on the heat
Iowans plant gardens.

At 50 degrees:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Iowans sit out in the sun.

At 32 degrees:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and
woolly hats. Iowans
throw on flannel shirts and have the last cookout.

At 10 degrees:
People in Phoenix all die.
Iowans lick the runners on their sleds or any nearby

At zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico.
Iowans get out their winter coats.

At 10 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
Iowa Girl Scouts are selling cookies door-to-door.
Iowa Boy Scouts postpone Winter Survival classes
until it gets cold

At 40 below zero:
Mount Saint Helens freezes.
Iowans rent some movies.

At 100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Iowans get frustrated because they can't thaw the

At 200 below zero:
Microbial life no longer survives in dairy products.
Iowa cows complain about farmers with cold hands.

At minus 460 degrees, absolute zero:
All atomic motion stops.
Iowans say, "Cold enough for ya?"

At 500 degrees below zero:
Hell freezes over.
The Cyclones win a bowl game.

From the midwest

This response submitted by Vic on 03/21/2004 at 14:51. ( )

> > > A message from the rural Midwest:
> > > Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners
> > > Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin,
> > > Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota,
> > > South Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of
> > > information guidelines.
> > > In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following
> > > list
> > > will be handed to each driver entering the state:
> > > 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
> > > breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
> > > 2. It's called a 'gravel road' No matter how slow you drive, you're
> > > going
> > > to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I
> > > it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
> > > 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
> > > Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
> > > 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
> > > you
> > > whipped... by our women.
> > > 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
> > > flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those
> > > little trout you fish for...bait.
> > > 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
> > > 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
> > > final approach, we will shoot it.! You might hope you don't have it up
> > > to
> > > your ear at the time.
> > > 8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for
> > > you paid in the airport for one drink.
> > > 9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
> > > it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two
> > > of
> > > ham and turkey.
> > > 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
> > > over ice.
> > > 11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends.
> > > real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we
> > > use
> > > two weeks a year.
> > > 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
> > > it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
> > > 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to . So,
> > > you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
> > > 14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi
> > > and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
> > > 15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't
> > > it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways--Interstates 29, 35, & 69 go
> > > the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
> > > 16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
> > > religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
> > > 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
> > > Understand the concept?
> > > 18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don't hit in the water hazard. It
> > > spooks our fish.
> > > 19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving
> > > like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.
> > > Now, enjoy your visit!
> >

Arkansas gun control is hitting the Bulls eye 5 for 5

This response submitted by JOhn C on 03/21/2004 at 16:16. ( )

Yep most of those apply here to except those really cold temps.

Who are the Packers? Do the work for the moving company?

Well we dont have a lot of gravel roads here in the Ozarks, they are flint rock and no it was not hauled it.

Women know what a jack is and how to change a flat tire.

Changes come slow to many places in Arkansas, even just yesterday I was pranked a bit. They fellows told my son and I to go straight and they went left, well a mile down the hill later and many curve we realized they had went the other way. BUt like I said it had been 32 years since I was there and when we arrived at where the swinging bridge had been in 1965, we ate lunch and turned around. Funny how we arrived back at the truck just when they did. Something about they did not know my shortcut.

Lmao Griz

This response submitted by DP on 03/23/2004 at 10:07. ( )

I thought I was the only Iowan this way. Thanks for the laugh!

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