DON'T TRY TO OUTRUN A COP

Submitted by ETCC on 03/25/2004 at 13:17. ( getrichkwik@webtv.net ) 209.240.205.68

The Lovely Hazel looked Licec The Taxidermist directly in the eye in dead seriousness as she spoke softly with a smile on her face...

Lices was sitting at the bench in the skinning room of Licec's Taxidermy Emporeum...taling a momentarry break from exasperation of skinning out his next Blue Ribbon Minnow...

"Honey-bun", Hazel spoke..."I've got a surprise for you that you may not be particularl;y happy with....but had to make a decision for our mutual interest".

"What are you trying to say to me, sweet cheeks?, as the words rolled off his dumbstruck lips.

"You know how hard you've been working on the Minnow Mount to present to Lola Haynes in Honour of her Founding the NTA, at the next NTA Convention?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, sweetie-pie...you've been neglecting the other Minnow in the freezer that still needs to be stuffed for Vicki...and she's been hounding me to pieces wondering when you're going to get at it".

"Yeah?"

"Well, my ^j^...the WASCO bill for your Airbrush Paint has got to be paid and although Jeff is a very patient guy...he's not going to wait forever"

"Yeah?"

"You're just going to love this Cecil...in a bitter-sweet way".

"What are you trying to tell me baby?", Cecil asked.

"I got me a part-time job being a Cop...to kinda...help out?"

"WHAT?...are you turning into a five year old Christmas Fruitcake?...that's DANGEROUS work baby".

"Not really, Cec" as she patted him on the shoulder..."just a Traffic Cop. With this being a small town...nothing serious is liable to happen...we know everybody here".

"Okay honey. If thats what you REALLY want to do. It'll really help out and get Jeff off my mind about that Lacuer bill...ahh-ahh-choo...excuse me baby.
When do you start?"

Hazel kissed Licec's fishy-smellin lips and said..."Now!...the Cop Car is already parked in the driveway next to your Model-T. But don't worry...I'll make sure I jump into the right one when I have tro fly out of here in case of an emergency".

The phone was ringing off the hook. Licec turns on the table lamp alongside the bed and looks at the clock..."2.13 AM...now WHO on earth is called for a Minnow Stuffing at this hour?" he mumbled to himself.
"Hello, Cecil?...This is Chief John C speaking...put Hazel on the phone...she gotta go out on a call".

Ohio is a State like most in colder US Midwest climates, and has a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop in the single digits or below.

On this freezing morning, Hazel was awakened to respond to such a call of a car off the shoulder on Route I-71.

Hazel located the car still running, it's being stuck high centered in the snow.

Pulling in behind it with her emergency lights on, she walks to the driver's door to find a familiar face passed out behind the wheel and a near empty bottle of Smirnoff' Vodka on the seat.

It was 'the Taxidermistr down the road'...that El-Cheapo $19.95 Deer
Head Stuffer nemesis, ETCC.

Hazel taps on the window with her flashlight and the driver wakes up, sees the rotating lights in his rear view mirror and Hazel in Police Uniform standing next to his car.

ETCC panics. He jerks the gearshift into drive and hits the gas pedal. The cars speedometer is showing 10-20-30, now 50 miles per hour but he's still stuck in the snow.

Hazel having a sense of humor...begins running in place next to the speeding but still stationary car. ETCC is totally freaked out...thinking Hazel is actually keeping up with him.

This goes on for about 20 seconds when Hazel yells at ETCC...ordering him to "pull over". He obeys and turns his wheel and shuts off the engine.

Once out of the car... ETCC in a drunken stooper asks about Cop Hazel's special training and just how can she run 50 miles per hour.

Hazel explains how she got into such good physical condition just two days earlier...

"Licec and I was fishing through a hole in the ice on Lake Erie. I landed this Minnow, and just as I hauled it out of the water...the rascall jumped off the hook and started to skeedattle across the ice lickety-split as soon as it saw Licec's face. Guess word gets around even in the Minnow World about his Taxidermy Reputation...heh-heh-heh.

Anyway...that li'l sucker didn't want to end-up on no wall, so he was really moving across the ice. I had to run after him faster than I ever had run in my life...slippin-an-sliddin one-which-way- and-another...but finally got the net around him.

After that Minnow running...and just chasing you down...now I'm ready for the Marathon next Summer".
~ ETCC

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