December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The
>first snow of the season and
>the wife and I took our cocktails and sat
>for hours by the window watching the
>huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It
>looked like a Grandma Moses
>Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds
>again. I love snow!
>December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket
>of crystal white snow covering
>every inch of the landscape. What a
>fantastic sight! Can there be a
>more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here
>was the best idea I've ever
>had. Shoveled for the first time in years,
>felt like a boy again. I did both
>our driveway and the sidewalks. This
>afternoon the snowplow came along
>and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the
>driveway, so I got to shovel
>again. What a perfect life.
>December 12: The sun has melted all our
>lovely snow. Such a disappointment.
>My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll
>definitely have a white Christmas.
>No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob
>says we'll have so much snow by the
>end of winter, that I'll never want to see
>snow again. I don't think that's
>possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad
>he's our neighbor.
>December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last
>night. The temperature dropped to
>-20. The cold makes everything sparkle so.
>The wind took my breath away, but
>I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and
>sidewalks. This is the life!
>The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried
>everything again. I didn't
>realize I would have to do quite this much
>shoveling, but I'll certainly
>get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't
>huff and puff so.
>December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van
>and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
>Bought snow tires for the wife's car and two
>extra shovels. Stocked the
>freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case
>the electricity goes out.
>I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska,
>December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on
>my ass on the ice in the
>driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell.
>The wife laughed for an hour,
>which I think was very cruel.
>December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads
>are too icy to go anywhere.
>Electricity was off for five hours. I had to
>pile the blankets on to stay
>warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife
>and try not to irritate her. Guess
>I should've bought a wood stove, but won't
>admit it to her. God I hate it
>when she's right. I can't believe I'm
>freezing to death in my own
>December 20: Electricity's back on, but had
>another 14" of the damn
>stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day.
>g**d*** snowplow came by twice.
>Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but
>they said they're too busy playing
>hockey. I think they're lying. Called the
>only hardware store around to see
>about buying a snow blower, and they're out.
>Might have another shipment
>in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I
>have to shovel or the city will
>have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
>December 22: Bob was right about a white
>Christmas, because 13 more inches of
>the white crap fell today, and it's so cold
>it probably won't melt 'til
>August. Took me 45 minutes to get all
>dressed up to go out to shovel, and
>then I had to piss. By the time I got
>undressed, pissed and dressed again,
>I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob,
>who has a plow on his truck, for
>the rest of the winter; but he says he's too
>busy. I think the [expletive deleted] is lying.
>December 23: Only 2" of snow today, and it
>warmed up to "0". The wife wanted
>me to decorate the front of the house this
>morning. What, is she nuts! Why
>didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
>She says she did, but I think
>December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by
>snowplow, I broke the shovel.
>Thought I was having a heart attack. If I
>ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who
>drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through
>the snow by his balls and beat him
>to death with my broken shovel. I know he
>hides around the corner and waits
>for me to finish shoveling and then he comes
>down the street at a 100 miles an
>hour and throws snow all over everywhere
>I've just been! Tonight the wife
>wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her
>and open our presents, but I was
>too busy watching for the g**d*** snowplow.
>December 25: Merry F!=3D@x@!x!x1 Christmas.
>20 more inches of the 3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight.
>Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my
>blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the
>snowplow driver came by asking for a
>donation and I hit him over the head with my
>shovel. The wife says I have a
>bad attitude. I think she's a fricking
>idiot. If I have to watch "It's a
>Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to
>stuff her into the microwave.
>December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell
>did I ever move here? It was all
>HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
>December 27: Temperature dropped to -30, and
>the pipes froze. Plumber came
>after 14 hours of waiting for him; he only
>charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
>December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still
>snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!
>December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have
>to shovel the roof or it could
>cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever
>heard. How dumb does he think I am?
>December 30: Roof caved in. I beat up the
>snow plow driver. He is now suing
>me for a million dollars; not for only the
>beating I gave him, but also for
>trying to shove the broken snow shovel up
>his ass. The wife went home to her
>mother. 9" predicted.
>December 31: I set fire to what's left of
>the house. No more shoveling.
>January 8: Feel so good. I just love those
>little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Return to The Taxidermy Industry Category Menu
I laughed until I cried. I've seen versions of that before, but this one takes the cake. Thanks for kicking my day up a notch!
this Georgia boy will never forget being stationed at Baudette AFS in northern Minnesota, and two winters there. It just made me remember why my arthritic body is back here in Georgia! Brings back a lot of good memories made in that country when I was 18 and 19 years old. Will never forget some of the friends made up there, and things I could have only seen and done there. Thanks for the post, it brought back a lot of memories!