Better Learn How to Spell

Submitted by Alex on 2/2/05 at 4:27 PM. ( ) 66.32.144.188

There were two old geezers
living in the backwoods of the Ozarks....
Rufus and Clarence.
They lived on opposite sides of the river,
and they hated each other.
Every morning, just after sun-up,
Rufus and Clarence would go down to
their respective sides of the river
and yell at each other.

"Rufus!" Clarence would shout.
"You better thank yor lucky stars I cain't swim....
er I'd swim this river and whup your butt!"

"Clarence!" Rufus would holler back.
"You better thank YOUR lucky stars that I cain't swim...
er I'd swim this river and whup your skinny butt!"

This happened every morning for twenty years.

One day the Army Corps of Engineers
comes along and build a bridge.

Still, every morning, every day
for another five years this yelling
across the river goes on, even with the bridge.

Finally....Mrs.Rufus had had enough.
"Rufus!" she squallers one day.
"I cain't take no more!
Ever day for 25 years
you've been threatenin' to whup Clarence.
Well, there's the bridge......have at it."

Rufus thought for a moment.
Chewed his bottom lip for another moment.
"Woman!" he declared, snapping his suspenders into place,
"I'm gonna across that thar bridge and
I'm gonna whup Clarence's butt!"

He walked out the door, down to the river,
along the riverbank, came to the bridge,
stepped up onto the bridge,
walked about halfway over the bridge,
looked up.....
TURNED TAIL AND RAN SCREAMING
BACK TO THE HOUSE,
SLAMMED THE DOOR,
BOLTED THE WINDOWS,
GRABBED THE SHOTGUN
AND DOVE, PANTING AND GASPING,
UNDER THE BED!

"Rufus!" cried the misses.
"I thought you wuz gonna whup Clarence's butt!"

"I was, woman, I was!" he whispered.

"Rufus!" cried the misses.
"What in tarnation is the matter?"

"Well," muttered the terror-stricken Rufus,
" I went to the bridge......
I stepped up on the bridge.....
walked halfway over the bridge....
looked up....."

"And?" asked Mrs. Rufus,
breathless with suspense.

"And," continued Rufus,
"I saw a sign that said
"Clearance, 13 feet, 6 inches"
he ain't never looked that big
from the other side of the river!"

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thats funny

This response submitted by lee on 2/2/05 at 4:36 PM. ( ) 170.224.224.123

good one!


?

This response submitted by .......? on 2/2/05 at 10:53 PM. ( ) 205.188.116.134


Chirp...Chirp....Chirp....Chirp....


Clarence and Rufus? Not the Ozarks

This response submitted by Lived here a long time on 2/2/05 at 10:53 PM. ( ) 70.178.74.104

No maybe in the Delta, but its clear that Rufus will not reside in the Great White North of Arkansas.

Now you could have said Juolio and Esteban. But Rufus?

Clarence is another name no local would have.


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