Terrorist Alert in France!

Submitted by marty on 2/10/05 at 9:42 PM. ( ) 24.15.107.136

AP and UPI reported that the French goverment announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "RUN" to "HIDE".

The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate".

The rise was percipitated by the recent fire which destroyed one of Frances' white flag factories, disabling their military...

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silence

This response submitted by ? on 2/10/05 at 10:38 PM. ( ) 152.163.100.135

Chirp...Chirp...Chirp...Chirp


did you know that....

This response submitted by Griz on 2/10/05 at 11:49 PM. ( ) 69.66.35.238

french tanks have 4 reverses and one forward gear.... the forward gear is just in case they get attacked from behind...


Here is one for you

This response submitted by Alex on 2/11/05 at 3:45 PM. ( ) 66.32.132.214

Jokes About the French

Michael Jackson Admits Plastic Surgery; France Unconvinced
--Chirac Demands More Time for U.N. Face Inspectors

At the United Nations today, U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell offered what he called "conclusive proof" that the singer Michael Jackson has had plastic surgery, but failed to convince France.

In his presentation, Powell first showed two photos of Jackson, taken in 1979 and 2003, to illustrate the dramatic transformation of the singer's face from human to Halloween mask.

As Security Council members watched intently, Powell then played a tape of a recent court appearance by Jackson, during which the tip of his nose appeared to fall from his face and onto the floor.

Finally, Powell played a tape of the ABC program "20/20" in which Jackson admitted he had plastic surgery, after which a visibly frustrated Powell turned to the ambassador from France and asked, "How much more freaking proof do you clowns need?"

While the French ambassador did not respond, impassively sipping on a glass of red wine while reading a book by Camus, later in the day French President Jacques Chirac had harsh words for Powell, saying that the Secretary of State "had proved nothing."

President Chirac added that the United Nations should grant its official face inspection team more time to look at Jackson's head to determine whether the singer had plastic surgery or not.

In related news, President Chirac said the U.S. had failed to show convincing proof that Jennifer Lopez has a big ass.



More

This response submitted by Alex on 2/11/05 at 3:48 PM. ( ) 66.32.132.214

Q: What are they calling the Germans, French and Belgians, at the Pentagon?
A: "The Axis of Weasels."

Q. Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?
A. So the French can show them how to surrender.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows, it's never been tried.

Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees?
A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

Q: How many gears does a French tank have?
A: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear.

Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q. What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A. You can make soldiers out of toast.

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. The Army.

Q: What are they calling the Germans, French and Belgians, at the Pentagon?
A: "The Axis of Weasels."

Q. Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?
A. So the French can show them how to surrender.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows, it's never been tried.

Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees?
A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

Q: How many gears does a French tank have?
A: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear.

Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q. What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A. You can make soldiers out of toast.

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. The Army.

Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 so wildly?
A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the U.S.

Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003?
A. This time around, the Vichy government is telling the German puppets what to do.

Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training?
A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages.

Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.

Q: Why does Nike like the French Army?
A: Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes.

Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it!


What

This response submitted by JiMMY on 2/11/05 at 11:52 PM. ( ) 12.73.81.36

What do you call the US without France.
Great Britian.
See French and Indian War, Harbor blockades By French vessels during the revolution. Oh No French fur Trappers.

What do you call France without US. Germany

We have been allies since the beginning and will be again. Iraq isn't enough reason to get our panties in a wad. Right or wrong, his(Bush) fault, our fault or their fault, we were not able to put together a collition. History will sort this one out.


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