Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"
Or watch a white thing come out a chicken rear and think ,"that ought to taste good"
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
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I have proof you can! They have never been stung by a jelly fish or been carried by current thru a swarm of sea thimble.
Just brush against some FIRE CORAL!
You can get fired if working for Coke and get caught drinking a Pepsi, But can you work for Ford and drive a Chevy?
When I say that I'm gonna kick your ass, dose that always meen that i'm gonna beat you up.
My stepfather worked for Ford and every once in a while, when his Ford broke down, he would have to drive my mom's Chevy to work. LOL
Do taxidermist say yhey are swamped with work and yet spend the whole day in this forum? LOL
If someone says that he just got done hunting for beaver, can you tell me what he meens.
If you call a smart guy an idiot, what dose that make you.
Here are your answers in order.
2. Atleast a big city mayor
3. A bank is a money tree
4. Only salami and bologna as they are meant to be on a roll
5. One cent thought tax was established in 1712
6. We are all naked in heaven ! Say goodbye to those toga parties !
7. No good way to make a round pop up box for storage
8. Cured ham suffered from Measles
9. The moon landing was faked in a movie studio
10. This is how most of us do sleep these days
11. It is called a hearing aid
12. Yes sir ! Coke and Pepsi will both fire you !
13. One refers to the part of acting. The other is the part of watching.
14. The binoculars are supposed to be for looking at objects on the horizon.
15. It is cheaper to run for Miss America than it is to run for president.
16. Just common decentcy
17. She just drops to the floor and the other operators argue over the best way to save her.
18. Panties is the plural of panty
19. No, They get confused and run away from the soup
20. A poor farmer named Yohanson saw a calf drink milk and saw how healthy is was so he tried it .
21. Eating eggs started in the movie "Caveman" with Ringo Starr.Everyone knows that !
22. The high toaster setting is for arctic use only as it is hard to get heat built up there.
23. My freezers have lights in them.
24. Never smile for a photo
25. Every one else did care. It was the one person that didn't that wrote "Jimmy crack corn and I don't care. "
26. Yes . As long as there three people in the front and the one corps in the back. Four person minimum for carpool lanes.
27. Professor wasn't a carpenter. He would have hurt his hand and not been able to play with his beaker !
28. Everyone I know does point to their crotch when asking where the bathroom is. Must be a local thing here.
29. Pluto was alway too drunk to stand up . He went to rehab many times with no results. Favorite booze was Mad Dog 20/20 !
31. Yes but they can only make out faint shadows
32. There was no McDonalds in his area at the time so he just kept after the roadrunner trying to make McNuggets out of him.
35. No . There is also Chucky Cheese Pizza
36. Yes. Same writer for both songs.
37. I didn't
38. One is a rock . The other is a sweltering , Burning , seeping, boil like pain in the @ss
39. When you blow in a dogs face, usually you show some teeth. This is a threat to the dog and it gets mad. Now , if you blow on a dogs @ss...
40. You don't have my e-mail address