A professional riding instructor, looking for ostrich oil like she's some kind of nut called me just after midnight. She was loud, and sounded as though she may have had a few adult beverages, so I humored her. I told her I think she must mean emu oil.
"No, I said ostrich oil, and I meant ostrich oil," she maintained,"Someone told me it's the best stuff for English stirrup leathers, and I want to try some. You work on saddles, so I figured you'd have some." I told her I have some emu oil, and since ostriches and emus are both ratite birds, perhaps their oils were similar.
By the way, I've used olive oil, but haven't tried the emu oil.
She said, "Well, I want some." I told her to stop by tomorrow and I'd let her have some to try. She insisted on coming right over. She lives less than a mile from us. I told her she'd woke me from a sound sleep, I was in my underwear, and the stuff is in my tackroom. She said, "I'll be right over," and hung up.
I put on my pants and headed out to the barn. As I walked along, I thought of how she acts
overbearing with everyone, and disdains cowboys,
western riding, and has made disparaging remarks about my beat-up old Stetson. Now this!
I heard a car pull in, and when I came out of the barn, she was banging on our door and hollering my name. I told her not to wake the neighborhood. We stood there in the glow of the dooryard light, and I handed her a pint jar. She asked, "What does it smell like? Probably stinks like a western horse," and tried to unscrew the cap. I said, "Here, let me," and as she leaned forward for a sniff, I let her have it, all over her face, hair, blouse and some even got on her slacks. Then I handed her my farmer handkerchief. She was swearing and crying as I headed back in the house.
I sat in the darkened kitchen, watching her sit there in her car, no doubt figuring how to apologize to me. In a few minutes, another car pulled in the driveway. Sheriff's deputies! I hadn't thought of her cell phone. She got out and
was talking and gesturing toward the house, so I went out.
One cop asked me, "Did you attack this woman?"
I told him she'd come knocking on my door wanting saddle oil, so I got some for her, and as I handed it to her for a sniff, she jerked it out of my hand and got it all over herself. I told him I thought she'd been drinking. He said he could smell liquor on her breath.
I asked him not to arrest her for public intoxication, and would one of them drive her car home, just down the road? He did.
So this is how it's going to be resolved - go back to the start of this post and read the first letters of the first nine words.
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That was a good try but since I'm a April Fool myself I was on to you about halfway thru. Sorry