Cur and Elmer Go Deer Hunting
Cur and Elmer went deer hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female deer costume and learned the mating call of a female deer.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the buck, then come out of the costume and shoot the buck. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the deer love call.
Before long, their call was answered as a huge buck came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
When the buck was close enough, Cur up in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, Elmer shouted from the back , "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"
Cur says I'm going to start nibbling grass, Elmer you better brace yourself.
The Deer Hunters
Cur, Elmer, Cecil and Yox went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, Cecil returned alone, staggering under the weight of an ten-point buck.
"Yox had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail."
"You left Yox laying out there and carried the deer back?"
"A tough call," nodded Cecil "but I figured no one, in their right mind, is going to steal Bill Yox."
Cur's Kentucky Quail Pointing Mule
A car drives up to a Cur's Kentucky house, a man gets out, knocks on the door, and the Cur opens it. "A friend told me you have a mule that points quail", said the stranger, "is that true"? "Sure is", said Cur, "would you like to see him work?" The strangers said, "Sure". Soon they were walking through a field, when the mule suddenly stopped and struck a beautiful point. Cur walked ahead of the mule and scares up a big covey of quail. This goes on a half dozen more times...the mule points...the Cur scares up the covey. Finally, the stranger says, "That's enough, I've got to have that mule". "He ain't for sale", said the Cur. I'll give you $50,000.00 for him", said the stranger. Well, Cur couldn't refuse such a big offer, so he sold him. The next night, the farmer's phone rang...it was the stranger. "What the hell's wrong with this damed mule you sold me?", he screamed..."all he's done all day is stand belly deep in my pond"! "Well", said the Cur, "I guess I should'a told you......he'd rather fish than hunt."
Cur the deer hunter goes to the bar -
An old deer hunter named Bill, dressed head to foot in camo, went into a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.
After she ordered her drink she turned to the deer hunter and asked him, "Are you a real deer hunter?"
To which Cur replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life in the woods, tracking deer, stalking deer and shooting deer, so yes, I guess I am a real deer hunter." After a short while he asked her what she was.
She replied, "I've never been in the woods. I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. I get up in the morning thinking of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV everything makes me think about women."
A short while later she left, and the Cur ordered another drink.
A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real deer hunter?"
Cur replied, "Well I always thought I was a deer hunter, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."
The Elmer, Cur and a bottle of Bourbon
Elmer and Cur go deer hunting. They settle down in their stand and start waiting for the deer. This gets rapidly boring for Cur so he reaches into his backpack and withdraws a bottle of 100 proof Kentucky Bourbon.
"Want some?" he asks Elmer.
"No, I've got to concentrate on watching for deer."
"Okay..." he says and happily drains the bottle.
They go back to watching for deer. Again, the Cur gets bored and gets from his backpack another bottle of Bourbon. "Want some." he asks again.
"No, thanks" is his reply.
"Your loss." he says and happily drains the bottle.
Cur's pretty sloshed by now, but goes back to help Elmer watch for deer. A minute later, a single deer walks up to their stand.
"Bang!" goes his Elmer's rifle.
"Damn, missed it" his Elmer says.
The Cur waves his rifle in the general direction of the fleeing deer. "Bang!" his rifle goes. He kills the deer straight out.
"Wow," his Elmer said, "how did you do that?"
"Well," he replied, "when there's a whole herd of deer, you can hardly miss, can you?"
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Gee, thats mule talk for RIGHT!
I guess I am the only one left standing, err talking/ typing so I must explain the "Cur and Elmer Go Deer Hunting" tale, right after Cur said Elmer brace yourself I "bagged" myself a right nice buck, with my left hand, the right one hurts em too bad, and dats the truth, if you don't believe me, ask Glen Conley.......
The Deer Hunters, I went back to see if I could save Yoxie but Cecil had done field dressed him......
Cur's Kentucky Quail Pointing Mule, was bought by Elmer G myself. I taught that mule how to slip up on a pond, count the ducks a sittin on hit. The mule would then come back and bray out in Hee Haws one time for each duck he had counted. If he brayed out 5 times we knowed that there would be 5 ducks a sittin on the water. 6 brays 6 ducks ect.......well I duck hunted him 3-4 years plowed the garden and all, entered him once in the Kentucky Derby. Ole EG then took a Yankee city slicker duck hunting....the old mule went up to the pond brayed out 9 times, he slipped up behind the dam and kilt 9 ducks, I said you shot em all sitting, and he repied "you mean they can FLY".......the guy then says "I want to buy that mule", Elmer says, ha, "no way" "NOPE" "not for sale, I done got over $50,000.00 tied up in him, from the guy who bought him from Cur". The city slicker then offered ol Gantry 1 million dollar$ for the mule, haha Elmer ain't no fool, so the mule was $old! The next week that city slicker calls ol Elmer up and says "I want my money back, the mule he done went crazy and and I had to shoot him" Elmer says "WHAT" you mean YOU want YOUR money back, and what do you mean "the mule went crazy". The slicker says the mule ran up to a pond just like he did for you, stood there a while, came back, never brayed a time, picked up a stick in his mouth and started beating the ground repeatedly with it, so I had to shoot the crazy thing! I told him you fool that mule was trying to tell you thar was more ducks on that pond than you could shake a stick at........
Cur the deer hunter goes to the bar, heck after Cur killed that one running we would yell the Rebel Yell at them to make em all run, prior to shooting them, when that got too easy, we resorted to "bagging" em, see story number 1 above.