Bored, enough work for today. Women Vs Men

Submitted by TiBit on 4/21/05 at 6:13 PM. ( ) 12.73.45.145

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HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET
MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET
WOMEN, MAN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS


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Element: Women
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted at 53.6Kg, but known to vary from 40-200Kg.
Occurrences: Copious quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:

1. Surface usually covered in painted film.
2. Boils at nothing; freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places.

Chemical Properties:

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a
range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive
substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior
warning and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases
greatly by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

Common Uses:

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.

Tests:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered
in the natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Hazards:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although
several can be maintained at different
locations as long as specimens do not come
into direct contact with each other.

Man - A Chemical Analysis

Element : Man
Symbol : Ah (short for [expletive deleted])
Quantitative : Accepted at 7 inches though some isotopes can be
as short as 4 inches.
Discoverer : Eve (discovered by accident one day when she had a
craving for ribs)
Occurrence : Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration
near a perfect Wo specimen.

Physical properties :
a) Surface often covered with hair bristly in some areas, soft in others.
b) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced wth Logic and
Common Sense, melts if reated like a God.
c) Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
d) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
e) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo
(Snore... zzzzz).
f) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
g) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive
to extremely thick.
h) Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
i) Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted
form of the Wo common ore.
j) When pressure is applied, becomes stiff and unyielding; yields only
when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied

Chemical properties :
a) All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction
is possible.
b) May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely
favorable conditions.
c) Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo.
d) Usually willing t react with whatever is available.
e) Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existent to pre-interaction
effects (which tend to turn the specimen bright red.)
f) Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to
violent/bloody.
g) When saturated with alcohols, will be fairly inert
and will repel most other elements.
h) Is repelled by most household appliances and common household
cleansers.
i) Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers,
particularly those of the malodorous variety.
j) Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.

Storage :
a) Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for
favorable reaction style.

Common Uses:
a) Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners
for Wo...
b) Can be used in recreational activities.

Tests :
a) Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens
broadcast information on many wavelengths.

Caution :
a) Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes
with reaction to a particular Wo specimen.
Otherwise very maleable under correct conditions.

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John Jetmore / jj33@pobox.com

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i think your pretty close on some points

This response submitted by paul e on 4/22/05 at 7:46 AM. ( americanmetalfab@bellsouth.net ) 65.6.122.219

i know my wife keeps me straight
id probably go off the deep end if it wasnt for her
cant think of ever being without my sweetheart
but your right
if her fuse is lit
she can go from 0 to mad in a millisecond


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