Police Humor

Submitted by BG on 4/28/05 at 12:02 PM. ( )

"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"Just how big were those two beers?

"In God we trust, all others are suspects."


Return to The Taxidermy Industry Category Menu

but officer-

This response submitted by - on 4/28/05 at 1:31 PM. ( )

I was speeding because I wanted to get home before I ran out of gas


This response submitted by Craig on 4/28/05 at 8:03 PM. ( )

just another group of people who are special. They get to carry their guns anywhere they want. They get to speed and get away with it. They are issued a little sticker that they place on the window of their wife's car so she has a get out of jail free card anyime she gets pulled over. And they are never there when you really need them.

I actually had one say, "I wear a badge and carry a gun, my word is golden in any court of law, regardless if you are innocent or not, I'll lie because it is in your best interest". I was stopped for a routine traffic check and when I got to court his affadavit swore out that I had led him on a 100 mile plus high speed chase on a three mile stretch of road. They believed him, hook, line, and stinker.

I have many friends that are LEs but some of their stories just suck!


This response submitted by Bill Jones on 4/28/05 at 9:57 PM. ( wjtaxiderm@aol.com )

Go check your ears, I think there's crap coming out of them!

It really gets old . . .

This response submitted by Jerry S. on 4/29/05 at 12:03 AM. ( jds@jerrystringer.net )

This argument has hit the forums time and time again, but the older I get, the more it irritates me! It doesn't bother me as much anymore that people like Craig lump all cops into one mold (look at all the "theys" in the posting!). What DOES get to me is that there ARE cops out there whose actions and attitudes cause people like Craig to make such generalized statements. Those are the ones who make ME look bad . . . and I don't care for them!

There are cops who don't need to be cops. There are teachers who don't need to be in a school. There are doctors who should have their license revoked. Heck, there are probably even some taxidermists who don't represent the industry very well. But at least be reasonable enough to not make over generalized statements!

You stated that "they are never there when you really need them". Does that include my partner who, yesterday morning, arrested a pedophile who was on our high school campus? The pervert was arrested before he could carry out the threats he had made to kill one of his victims?

Does that statement include the fact that a 16 year old girl confided in me last week that her father had been molesting her for 5 years but she was afraid to tell on him? Within hours after her report to me, her father made a full confession and now sits in jail. I was able to tell the girl that she no longer had to lock her bedroom door at night - she was glad I was there when she needed me.

I don't carry my gun everywhere I could. To be honest, it's a pain in the a** sometimes. My wife doesn't have a sticker on her car advertising that I'm a cop . . . and I even got a speeding ticket a few years back and the issuing officer never knew I was an officer. I don't even take discounts on meals because for what I do I draw a paycheck . . . not favors.

There are some real jerk cops out there . . . my department has two motorcycle officers that do more to destroy our public relations program than you could imagine. But all of our officers are not like them - thank God!

OK, I'll shut up . . . I just had to vent a little . . . thanks for listening.

Jerry S.

TOo All Police Officers(good ones only)

This response submitted by Michael Sestak on 4/29/05 at 6:40 AM. ( )

Thank you for all you do, i know that every single time you go to work could be your last, i know all to well about the type of people you have to deal with, each and every day.
i know about the stress, the family problems, the poor administrators that just dont seem to get it.
the relatives that dont understand, the nit wit media that thinks everytime some butthead resists arrest, pulls a knife or gun that there is always something else you could have done, you really didnt have to resort to force even though the perp did.(yea right)
i understand that it is your job to keep us safe and TRY to go home safely each and every day at the end of your shift. i know that if someone decides to use force to get away from you that you have a responsibility and duty under LAW to keep that individual from getting away by any means necessary under the law and that may have to include deadly force in order to protect your own life or the lives of others(that is okay with me).
i know that you do not ever wish for these things to happen, but they do.
i do not know how you de-stress at the end of the day when something has gone terribly wrong, but i wish you well and if you dont mind, may God bless you, your partners and families, may he keep you safe and sane in this job you have so bravely chosen as a career in order to Protect and Serve those who wish to stand up (or hide) and criticize you. thank you for keeping me employed and our streets safe for our children. THANK YOU...( 2 words, it just doesnt seem like its enough)


Michael Sestak
Correctional Officer

I knew it

This response submitted by Craig on 4/29/05 at 11:50 AM. ( )

"Your eyes are glazed have you been eating too many doughnuts"? It was not meant as a generalized statement about ALL cops like the above doughnut statement. It was in response to the original post. Just a cynical figure of speech. This type of police humor disgusts me, plain and simple. Could be the bad taste I got in my mouth the few times I had to actually deal with some of them on a professional basis. They do get little stickers too!

Do I respect the profession? Absolutely. Like I said I have many friends who are in law enforcement. Thanks Jerry S. and your partner for doing their part in making society safer for the young people. I didn't say all cops are bad just the ones that don't know how to deal with power.

Funny story...

My friend's wife, who is a police officer, was pulled over for speeding last year. This is her story. The officer, local town cop, approaches the car and proceeds to interegate her as to why she was pulled over. She told her son to call dad(another local town cop) as the cop was walking up. He actually tried to get her to admit wearing no seatbelt so he could offer a less severe ticket and kept referring to how a speeding ticket would increase her insurance. He kept asking her if she had been wearing a seatbelt.

"Now, you weren't wearing a seatbelt, right?, he'd say.

She replied, "My seatbelt is still on can't you see that. If you are going to give me a ticket then start writing".

The question was asked several times and the answer remained the same.

He couldn't get why she was not going along with his little skit until she handed him the cell phone with her cop husband on the other end who had heard the whole thing and was livid by this point. She said the cop got real quiet real fast as her husband had heard the whole thing and read this guy the riot act. After he handed the phone back all he said was, "Why didn't you tell me your husband was a fellow officer".

Her reply, "Just look at the sticker on my window".

I did have the opportunity to confer her story with her husband who actually spoke with the police chief but was talked out of filing a complaint. Go figure! They were both really upset that the cop was trying to get her to lie with her son right in the front seat next to her. He was 16 years old so he knew exactly what was going on.
She drove away without a ticket.

Now what if that had happened to some young college student, as it probably does on a daily basis in this town? They would admit the "no seatbelt" issue and simply pay the fine.

Speeding violations fines go directly to the state where they are divided equally amongst the different townships, other fines are kept directly by the towns. Ever wonder why they offer you a lesser ticket when even you know you were speeding? That just about spells it out. The only ones that won't do it are the State Troopers but the DA is the first to drop speeding to a lesser charge because it is money in the town's pocket. You don't even need a lawyer to get r done.

Another friend was arrested for growing 8 reefer plants on the property adjacent to his. They were all but three feet tall. 15 cops raided his place. He and his wife were each charged with 2 counts of endangerment of a child, growing with intent to distribute, and a couple of other bogus charges. After drying they tried to say he had 12 pounds of processed weed. These plants didn't even have buds. I think they must have smoked some of it to come up with that figure. The "police" DEA special task force, confiscated ALL his firearms but when the charges were reduced his firearms were returned. Except for one of his handguns, which was MIA. It still hasn't been returned and NO ONE was held accountable!

I'm sure a lot of good is done for all the bad out there.

Let's get back to taxidermy!

Return to The Taxidermy Industry Category Menu