Business
Rasmussen Accused of Cornering Website Markets in 2006
Hoosier Daddy Daily
Reporter AL Coholic
Morning Edition, August 27, 2006 ·
Federal regulators have accused Rasmussen Industries, of illegal attempts on cornering the lucrative " website" market in 2006. Rasmussen Industries having established four websites in as many months, now threatens yet another. This new site according to Rasmussen press agent "Michael" will be a bi-adventure website catering to the bustling taxidermy and fur industries.
Rasmussen affectionately know as "god" by his followers, in a coded message from trendy Hoosier Manikins to a rival Taxidermy supplier, Rasmussem promised yet another "new group for taxidermist" and also gave fair warning to the fur industry, "its also going to be for trappers". Hoosier Manikins holds patents for it's world renown line of "GUTTIN STICKS" and an anti-deer thief spray, "YOU BE GONE", and is now working on a new line of "WRASSKERLY WABBIT FORMS.
The date of the coded message has the followers of "god" Rasmussen, locally know as Rasmussenites shaken up. A former Lieutenant of the group, TexasTaxi says, the date of the message 8-27-2006 corresponds to the end of the world. "Eight plus 27 equals 35" he said so "the end of the world will be the fifth day of the third month of 2006". The former Lieutenant was totally dazed when this reporter reminded him that, that date had already came and gone. TexasTaxi has been in total disbelief since he was banned for a week, last night, by the "god supreme" himself when he posted his, Thank you, GOD post. This reporter quotes "god" Rasmussen as saying to Texas Taxi "see ya in a week.
PETA: People for Eating Tasty Animals has taken a wait and see attitude towards Rasmussen's Industries attempted take over of all things wild. This was in reply to Newgirlhere's post that Rasmussen Industries was wasting potential dollars by not marketing a line of hot dogs made out of raccoon and possum meat. Why just use the skins, she jested we could call them "hotcoons" or "hotpossums".
Homeland Security is looking into the matter as the area has become a taxidermist, stronghold, with reported ties to the Al-Zarqawi Middle Eastern School of Taxidermy.
The future of Rasmussen Industries, (JOKE NYSE) is unknown , but last weeks hostile takeover attempt and resultant noticeable loss of six members after an in-house cleaning from last nights 107 members to this mornings quote of 101, was not unnoticed by the trained eyes of this reporter, Al Coholic.
"Thirtyeightspread", another new member, reportedly getting his handle from the inside spread of the latest deer "god" allowed to be stolen from him, and the resultant invention of Rasmussen's environmentally friendly anti-deer thief spray "YOU BE GONE", then chimed, "That'll learn ya texas".
Member Newgirlhere joining the cult group after last weeks failed coup d'état asked god Rasmussen "just turn it over to one of the teenage girls here, that would be capable of running this site correctly. This way you can focus on the other businesses you have. How about it girls, any takers out there? It would be a shame for the nice people here to be dumped by Michael just because he is unable to make good decisions, or take a little teasing. Any one want to take over?
Rasmussen's alter ego, Hoosier Taxidermist's reply was swift and forthcoming, in a loud and booming, bold font: "remember what happened to texas taxi nuff said."
Newgirlhere having been slighted by "god" was fast and furious with her response "I'll think I'll contact proboards and see if they know about all your industries" when Rasmussen, not unlike the mighty OZ, then put down his moral mushroom scepter and all negative post(s) including "Rasmussen Baby Photo" that was posted by HoosierHoser were then deleted.
This reporter wonders if Rasmussen has ever heard the saying "Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned" and predicts Rasmussen Industries has not heard the end "Newgirlhere."
Newest member of the group, now standing at 101, hoosierdoehumper, who's birthday is ironically today at age 100, already says I have a Gripe!" Sum 1 sto my favorite doe! I sho do mis her. She had da bigest ears of any doe Id aver seen and was kinda bug-ged eyeed, but I steel luv'ed her! We ussd ta wach wasslin' togeder aver nite. I cant breng myself ta watch et wid out-ter wen I went out tis moning sum 1 had tuk ker and aw I fount was a pointted stic dar in her pen Im alferring a weward of sum deer capes and coon skin if yaw can help me find her. thanx."
Well that's as this reporter, Al Coholic, sees it from the shores of Lake Nyona.
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actually that was the size of the deer that I had stolen from me by the game wardens. I didn't have no stone to sharpen my guttin stick afeter i kilt him so was trying to use another stick (only harder wood) and started a fire in the hunters field where only I have permision to hunt bacause I gave the farmer some possum en such. Game warden seen the smoke and made me put out the fire, didn't even help, then he confiskated the buck of my dreams. I think the wardens name was Michael (Mike) Hunt.
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as my minions so affectionately call me, not Dusty. Although, since I'm now the CEO of "Crusty's Really Amazing Products" (CRAP NYSE)I think I'll change that to Most Excellent Dude or perhaps Supreme Being. Dave, thanks fer the offer, but I'm about to go public with my own line of keyboard accessories. My twin brother & head of research & developement, Red Green, spent at least 10 minutes with a couple of the much touted "Guttin' Sticks" and a roll of duct tape fashioning the prototype. I've got my chief of staff, Bill Gates, workin 24-7 to get 'em out. I'll be gittin my website, chat room, etc. up in the next day or 2. The prototype worked well on reading this post. I do want to thank the roving reporter Al Coholic for warning me in advance. Stay tuned for the announcement of the IPO...
just trying to hide your identity from the Miller guy from the other side of the lake...I knew you would know your name was Rusty
"Hoosier Daddy?" HAHAHAH That's one of the funniest things I have heard lately ROFLMAO
I like the part on his web site, "what would it place? First, second, or third?" I've seen road kills that look better. Nuttin but a buch if rookies telling rookies they are pro's. Gotta love it!
http://ustaxidermist.proboards84.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=whitetail&thread=1156709130&page=1
http://ustaxidermist.proboards84.com/index.cgi?board=whitetail&action=display&thread=1156734081