this %%^^&#@, I pull on my spongebob boxers and the wife beater tee and walk towards my shop. I light up a cowboy killer and open a Texan rehydrator as I go. I walk into my shop kick on the light and all I here is this lowd HMMMMMMM. You ain't gonna believe this but its a 3 inch roach flying across the shop with a june bug hanging on its back. Bout that time my wife sticks her head out the back door, all I can say is "git my gauge!" she says I would but 4th of july was last week and you are to cheap to by fireworks so your outta ammo! why do ya want it? I scream "dam! theres a 4inch roach in the shop! dam june bugs riding it like a bull!" sure she says kinda like the catfish that had a mouth the size of a 5 gallon bucket. She shuts the door, I spin around keepin an eyeball on the 5inch roach with the pilot and see a badmitten wrack hangin on the wall, I grab that sucker and take aim. I'm bout to waylay this mutant insect combo when I have this vision flash before my eyes..Two chinese dudes in white shorts,pressed shirts and wallmart tennis shows skipping around a court. Something aint right with that picture! has girlie man written all over it! sides this roach musta been round when john wayne was fighting at the alamo! couldn't let em go down like that. I pitch the dam racket and spin around all the time keepin an eyeball on this trophy combo.
There it is! the #1 fixit tool,,,,DUBYA DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I grab the can light off the stream a juice coming from that little red straw with my cowboy killer and low and behold. THE MATRIX MEETS THE TERMINATOR! Im laying down a stream a fire like nobodies business. The 5inch roach pingpong ball size junebug bob and weave but I manage to wing em both. The junebug rolls off the back and promptly lands on my standing bobcat mount. Fizzle fizzle as all the dam hair vanishes from my bobcat except the top of the head it turns jet black. Just as I finish saying "dam" the roach lands on my boar cape I just pulled outta the whitegas degreaser! boom friend porkskin! Then if this ain't bad enough my yankee neighbor sticks his head in sayin " hows ya doin?" always cool under pressure I take a long swig off my longneck and say. Wanna beer? you betcha he says I get him one and then he starts in again. Bow whats up with that bobcat? its all white? I say thats my michel jackson mount. just gotta add a pepsi can to the paw, hes one cool cat. Yank says and whats up with all the smoke and that pig skin? Well don't cha know Texans smoke everything! HMMM he says and what about that deer head over there with the mohawk running down its back. Well folks this is my best line so far. YANK I say " look this is TEXAS we have critters here noone and I mean noone would understand, take that 6inch roach I just blasted had a tennisball size junebug riding on its back and you ask me bout that deer well thats a Texas razorback, kinda like that african dog from rodeesia, and the pigs in arkansas!" Texas razorback? he asks. yes only bred on the king ranch! Rare trophy indeed! Yank instanly wants one then he says what is all this white powder everywhere? Thats talc cuz! All Texans look good even our animals!
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HA HA HA HA
I thought I had heard it all with ravens enlightning description of his toy space creature collection, and how to mold them........this story's got it beat hands down.......you need to get on Howard Stern with this story.......better than the midget and the retard competing for a night with Pamala Lee and Anna Nicole.......to funny!
All the way up here in Minnesota!
You Texans aint the only wons hoo use Talcum Powder fur Jock Itch...only differnce is...heer in Ohio we callzit balsszich...needa git me another 100-pound sack cuz of this blasted heat we're havin. Keep the powder dry m'friend.
~ ETCC
Great stuff! =)