Brain Rubbish
The useless stuff that's stuck in your head
Between Friends by Cindy Crain

Do you ever wish you could clean out clutter from your memory the same way we clean out our closets, attic or shop? Boy, what a great way that would be to begin a new year. A clear head! "What's that?" (If you are a taxidermist or married to one, then we need to talk.)

Generally once a week I will say, "Don't tell me any unnecessary information because I don't want to remember it if it isn't important." I know you've heard, "The mind is a terrible thing to waste." Well, I think the mind is a wonderful thing, but sometimes I wonder what the heck is going on in there.

Do you have those days when you hear a song and it sticks with you for hours? What about a commercial jingle or catch phrase that drives you a little crazy? "Where's the beef?" Oh, another good one is an old phone number, address or a goofy childhood song like "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?" Your social security number, "Is that your final answer?" What about the Gettysburg Address, or your high school song?

You wake up from a good night's sleep, stretch a little, have a cup of coffee, brush your teeth, (you may reverse the order of the coffee and brushing your teeth -- Kathy Blomquist and I agree on the order of this one), comb your hair, head out to the shop to begin mounting that deer and what pops into your mind? The song that talking turkey sings "Hit me with your best shot, why don't you hit me with your best shot, come on and hit me with your best shot, fire away-y-y-y." How many times have you said, "I can't get that foolish song out of my head, it's driving me crazy." "Here's a little song I wrote, don't worry, be happy?" After hearing that song in Lubbock at the convention every time someone walked by that talking fish on the silent auction display I couldn't stop singing it. (Just ask Leslie Holmes about brain clutter.)

When you stop to think about all the things we have to remember it's no wonder that we have trouble at times? What about remembering all those numbers? Driver's license numbers, the code for your house and shop alarm, your spouse and kids birthdays, your anniversary, shoe size, those favorite lottery numbers, bank account numbers, numbers of those favorite deer forms that you order often. Most of that stuff is pretty important. I could have remembered all the planets in order from the sun, but instead I remember, "Here's a story about a man named Brady, who was busy raising three boys of his own -- you get the picture." Do we really need to remember this stuff? I don't think so!

I don't think we would want to rid ourselves of everything that was insignificant or valueless, but it would really be a big help if we could figure out a way to be selective about the things we want to keep. How about liposuction of the cranium? I can hear my brain now, "Hey, over here, there's some stuff back here we don't need, your high school locker combination, your old high school cheers."

"What do you see Doctor?"

"Looks like the New Orleans Saints song?"

"Well, don't bother with that. I need that song. "Who Dat Say Dey Gonna Beat Dem Saints? Who Dat? Who Dat? Who let the dawgs out? Woof. Woof. Don't even think about taking that one out, Doc."

I bet if we could clean out the brain clutter we would surely find out in a day or two that we needed something back. You might be thinking about what you're going to be doing next weekend, you could be considering which route to take home to avoid traffic, you might be considering something really important like which bird to mount first or you may not be thinking about anything at all. "Comet, it makes your teeth grow green. Comet, it tastes like gasoline. Comet, Comet, so buy Comet and vomit today-y-y-y -- "I told you this stuff comes from nowhere!

Maybe your thinking about lunch and what you're going to have. The next thing you know, "Oh the shark bites, with his teeth dear" -- could you have possibly been thinking of having fried fish or sushi?

Think about it -- it's kind of scary -- and let me know what useless thoughts this conjured up.